According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Country Needs A Toilet Plunger

Friday, February 15, 2013

Country Needs A Toilet Plunger

Now that President Obama has delivered his State of the Union speech and the Republicans have snarled and sneered that they are not about to cooperate with that liberal SOB, Sam and I think we have a solution to fix our nation. We propose to buy President Obama a giant toilet plunger. Care to chip in some of your loose change?

You know what a toilet plunger is right? It’s one of those thingies with a rubber cup on the end of a wooden handle; they only cost a coupla dollars. When your toilet plugs up you take the plunger and place it over the flush hole to create a vacuum then you push down on the plunger -squoosha, squoosha, squoosha - until whatever is plugging your toilet goes down the drain. We have to use one at our house more than I’d like because we have these danged water-saving toilets and they plug up way too often (not because I’m using too much toilet paper either!).

Anyway, can you see how a toilet plunger would help the President? When Congress bogs down all Obama has to do is plunge it - sploosha, sploosha, sploosha. When the Prez. Needs to wipe out some terrorists, forget the drone planes which cost gazillions of dollars and send in a Seal team with toilet plungers - sploosha, sploosha, sploosha - problem solved. How about the NRA and all those gun-rights yahoos? - sploosha, sploosha, sploosha. Need to clean up hurricane and storm damage? - sploosha, sploosha, sploosha.

Of course, sometimes the plug-up is bigger than a rubber cup on a stick can make go away. We have these small septic holding tanks in our neighborhood that are connected to pipes that empty into the city sewer system out in the street. Occasionally somebody in the neighborhood plugs up their little septic tank and a red light on the side of their house lights up and an alarm goes off. Then the city has to send a big sucka, sucka (vacuum) truck out to give the offending house an enema. Fortunately, this rarely occurs and in 13 years in the neighborhood, I’ve seen it happen only twice - when our young neighbor women flushed too many disposable diapers down the toilet.

I know, you’re thinking our nation’s capitol needs a big enema; hard to argue with that. Sam and I just hope when DC gets plunged that the offending effluent doesn’t wind up in the Potomac River. Ick! But sometimes in old cities like DC pipes break and the raw stuff does enter our waterways. Up in British Columbia once they had millions of gallons of BC Butt Dump empty into the ocean before somebody noticed.

Speaking of sewage, are you old enough to remember cesspools? I remember when I was a little kid my dad had to dig ours out because things were backing up in the house. I cannot describe to you in mere words how awful that smelled and looked. And here’s another really ooky story (a true one): a Northwest farm hand was sucking cow poogie out of a big manure lagoon prior to spreading it on a field a few years back. Well, the dude slipped, fell in the poogie lagoon and drowned. Now, I don’t know about you but I’ve always imagined drowning as a really lousy way to die and drowning in a manure lagoon . . .!! Where’s that danged plunger when you need it, eh?

I guess Sam and I won’t levy bags of poop on anyone this posting. I think we’ve discussed the effects of bowl movement detritus quite enough. Hey! You’re welcome.

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