According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: I'll Buy A President's Day Alex

Monday, February 18, 2013

I'll Buy A President's Day Alex

Hey peeps. It’s President’s Day. Whoopee Skippy eh? Sam and I are wearing our party hats and dancing with joy. Okay, let’s just serious up here a little.

According to Presidents' Day is intended to honor all American presidents, but most significantly George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. 

George Washington was born on February 22, 1732. Lincoln’s birthday fell on February 12th. “Prior to 1968, having two presidential birthdays so close together didn't seem to bother anyone. February 22nd was observed as a federal public holiday to honor the birthday of George Washington and February 12th was observed as a public holiday to honor Abraham Lincoln’s birthday.'

In 1968, Congress created a uniform system of federal Monday holidays, voting to shift three existing holidays to Mondays. As a result, Washington's Birthday holiday was changed to the third Monday in February. But as usual, there was not a uniform holiday agreement among individual states. Some, like California, Idaho, Tennessee and Texas chose to name their state holiday "President's Day." From that point forward, the term “Presidents' Day” became a marketing phenomenon, as advertisers sought to capitalize on the opportunity for three-day or week-long sales.”

Now Sam and I don’t mean to make light of this important holiday, we just think it’s kind of sad that we celebrate the P-Day primarily by buying stuff. You noticed all the “President’s Day Sales” circulars in your Sunday newspaper right? It’s like our nation has set aside one day a year so our retailers can clean out all the junk they no longer want to inventory rather than celebrate our Presidents.

Sam and I wonder what it would be like if our presidents themselves cleaned out their garages and sold their junk to us? Let’s see, what presidents do we have alive today? Obama, Clinton, two Bushes and Jimmy Carter, right? By the way, are two Bushes worth one bird finger from the hand? Never mind.

Let’s just imagine for a mo, if you will, what our living presidents might want to sell us. We’re all pretty familiar with Obama’s offerings: universal health care, gun control, immigration reform and John Boehner and his Republican cohorts in a wheelbarrow (with rusty wheels).

My GAWD! Did you get a look at Boehner’s face during Obama’s State of the Union address? How do YOU spell stubborn and determined not to get along?

G.W Bush sold us a bill of goods that Iraq was stockpiling weapons of mass destruction. He sold us that “No Child Left Behind,” legislation (which didn’t seem to work so well). He sold us big tax cuts, which combined with wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have almost left our country bankrupt.

The elder Bush sold us the American with Disabilities Act (ADA), which actually turned out to be a good thing. His administration tried to sell us the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) which became law under Clinton and which to this day critics say screwed American businesses. If the elder Bush tries to sell you a used parachute, don’t buy it. He jumped out of airplanes with it on his 72nd birthday, 75th, 80th and 85th. How many more jumps does that thing have left in it? I personally ain’t wantin’ to find out.

Bill Clinton, that slick, silver-haired son-of-a-gun tried to sell us on the idea that he never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky or Paula Jones or . . .. R-i-i-i-ght. He overturned the Reagan-Bush era restrictions on abortion (Hmmm?), tried to sell us Universal Health Care, de-regulated telecommunications industry and failed to sell us on the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty.

Jimmy Carter tried to sell us on the idea that he was going to return government “to the people.” He tried to sell peace in the Middle East but never convinced Iran to release the hostages it kidnapped. He did sell us airline industry de-regulation, which Sam and I are convinced has caused utter chaos in that industry. Carter also tried to sell us on the fact that a rabid rabbit attacked him one day and he had to beat it off with a boat oar. Anybody remember that?

But Carter also tried to sell us on the idea that too many of us worshipped self-indulgence and rampant consumerism, which provided us with false happiness. Could he have been talking about our current President’s Day sales do you think? Sam and I think so and we say three bags of poop on President’s Day sales. Besides, we’re both broke.

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