According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Stand Erect for Gun Control

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Stand Erect for Gun Control

Are we totally nuts in this country or what? Sales of assault rifles have skyrocketed since the elementary school shootings in Newtown, Connecticut, spawned talk of tighter gun control. And the NRA leadership keeps acting like total jerks.

Why do you need to possess an assault rifle? You’ll probably just get shot with it. And if the lawless hordes attack you when the world comes to an end you won’t have enough ammunition to stop them from overrunning you anyway.

And how about this: according to a Bloomberg Press article by Kathleen Miller, the Veteran’s Administration has “almost tripled spending on erectile dysfunction (ED) drugs in the past six years,” supposedly because war-related psychological disorders are contributing to sexual difficulties among our returning troops.

So, limp dick (er, ED) may be a head-case thing rather than a simple “problem with blood flow,” as the Cialis people would have us believe? Sam and I have long suspected that LD is more of a psychological thing than a blood flow problem, because if you have good blood flow to the rest of your body, why wouldn’t you have good blood flow “down there.” We realize that the human brain requires a large supply of blood and since most guys think with their male members anyway, lack of adequate blood flow “down there” could be a problem, especially if the guys are squeezing their little pointy things a tad too tightly. Dudes, it’s a known medical fact that lack of blood to one’s extremities can result in the need for amputation. You should be more careful!

Anyway, Sam and I see how you could jump to the conclusion here that once troops returning from Afghanistan are deprived of their assault rifles their other guns go limp. But at least the military LD’s aren’t shooting innocent people in schools and theaters and shopping centers. Sam and I suspect that the NRA people who are fighting gun control are probably a bunch of LDs. What could possibly be bad about requiring universal registration of gun owners? What could possibly be wrong with banning sales of assault rifles? What could possibly be wrong with limiting the number of bullets in an ammo clip?

The NRA and others like them can rightly point out that our constitution’s 2nd Amendment guarantees us the right to bear arms in case we need to overthrow our government - God help us if we ever do - but gun manufacturers, dealers and smugglers in other countries would be all too happy to supply us with guns if we didn’t have any - as long as we possessed adequate amounts of the long green stuff. That’s really what this whole gun thing is about anyway - the love of money, otherwise known as GREED. That’s why manufacturers keep making guns that we don’t need.

Here’s a thought: even though the VA spent a reported $71.7 million on providing veterans with Cialis, Levitra and Viagra, and the cost to provide pills for every guy’s wee wee would be astronomical still, it might be better for our national mental health to know we were all safer because we’d eradicated LD (okay, ED) once and for all. Too bad some people think a flu shot will cure what currently ails our nation.

Three bags of poop on anyone who feels he or she needs to possess an assault rifle - and on the NRA for festering that notion.

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