According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: These Camps Aren't for Kids

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

These Camps Aren't for Kids

Sam and I came across a pretty good article in Parade magazine this week about summer camps for adults. Cool! Why should kids have all the fun? The camps talked about in the article all struck Sam and I as too far away, too expensive or too foo-foo, however. So, we set about thinking of adult camps that would be more interesting - at least to us.

First off, Sam came up with Adult Human Obedience Camp. In this intensive three-day camp you would learn sitting quietly and leaving your dog alone when he doesn’t want to fetch things, walking when your pooch wants to go for a walk, getting over your disgust at picking up poop, feeding your dog the treats he really wants and not feeding him something just because it’s good for him. Adults who enroll in this camp will be expected to take a test at the end and if they pass will be given a diploma and an appropriate human treat to share with Fido. Sorry, no chocolate.

Another camp that could be useful would be Using Your IPhone Without Frustration. In this four-day camp you would learn the fundamentals of becoming smarter than your smart phone. You would learn how not to let its many features bamboozle and discourage you. The camp would feature an overview of apps currently on the market and you would learn how to successfully download the apps you want. Caution! Some apps may contain adult material and this camp will not teach you how to hide them from your significant other.

I think I’d like to see a week-long (at least a week) camp on Successful RV-ing. This camp would feature traveling to various RV shows, comparing RVs, negotiating prices and terms and learning to say NO! Also featured would be free trial campouts of a night or two in RVs you liked. There probably would be a $25 charge in this camp to help defray the cost of gas for the bus taking you around to the different RV dealers. Pets would be allowed to accompany you on campouts for an additional deposit. Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for clambering in and out of RVs.

How about a Shopping for Clothes with You Wife camp? This one would last only two days because you probably couldn’t take anymore. You would accompany other guys like yourself to various department stores and a female teacher would try on so many outfits you would need the minimum of a bottle of aspirin at the end of the day (BYOA). This camp is an intense hands-off experience. You should check with your doctor to make sure your heart is strong enough before enrolling. You would learn in this camp not to be helpful by pulling clothes you like off the rack and saying to your wife, “I think you’d look good in this.” You would also learn while she was trying on various garments to avert your eyes if another woman accidentally left her changing room door or curtain open. You would learn not to ask the cost of an item your wife was trying on and you would learn to lie like the devil and tell her those jeans did not make her butt look fat. An additional day of camp would be available for an additional fee and in this day-long camp you would learn to sit quietly outside the dressing rooms and watch Pixar or Walt Disney animated films with various children while your wife was trying on clothes. This camp requires a pledge not to cuss in front of the children.

So, wanna’ go to camp this summer? These are just a few of the camping opportunities available. Two bags of poop on you if you don’t want to go to one.

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