According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: New Movies to Watch For

Friday, July 27, 2012

New Movies to Watch For

Sam is encouraging me to write a movie. I was complaining that I didn’t want to go to the new Batman movie or Hunger Games or the Marvel Comics hero movie. I just want to see a plain old movie about real people doing real things.

One movie I’m tempted to write would be called Who Moved the Moon? This would be a story about two young people who meet during a beautiful full moon and fall in love. They swear eternal love to each other as long as the moon is in the sky. They get married, years pass, yada, yada, and then the wife comes down with terminal cancer. After the wife dies the guy notices one night that the moon doesn’t seem to be in the same position as it usually is. Get it? This is a tear-jerker.

Another movie might be called The Train Went over the Mountain. This would be about a guy traveling over the Cascades to Whitefish, Montana, to attend a writer’s conference. On the train he meets a beautiful woman also traveling to the conference. They fall in love and engage in a two-night love tryst (might be rated R) then they have to face the fact that they each must return home to their respective spouses. Maybe they’ll meet once a year at the conference until they get old and grey. Don’t know for sure yet.

Sam suggests that I write a movie called Sam to the Rescue. In this movie, Sam would be the hero who saves little kids and old ladies from various potential disasters. He’s humble at first of course and a beautiful Shih Tzu named Lilly falls in love with him. This is a story of unrequited love, however, because Sam’s a hero and must stay pure to his calling in life. Besides, he’s been fixed. No doubt there would be a lot of comment and punning about that fact throughout the movie. The “twist” in this movie would be that so many people give Sam rewards for his brave deeds he gets a big head and refuses to help people unless he receives a treat. In the end he’ll straighten up, but he almost loses Lily and the respect of other people before he does.

One more? Okay. We need a good old-fashioned western movie these days. How about Hi-yo Dusty Trail Dog or Dog Rides with Woofs? This would be sort of a Zane Grey-ish tale and feature me as a Roy Rogers-type good guy who battles bad guys and saves fair damsels in distress and down-on-their-luck ranchers (or suburbanites in danger of foreclosure?). Sam, of course, would be my trusty sidekick only he’d ride tall in the saddle with me, barking into the wind, “Giddyup horse. I can run on my short little legs faster than this.” When the horse stops abruptly because he’s thoroughly insulted, I fly over his head into a heap on the ground, Sam jumps down, licks my face until I regain consciousness, then runs back to the house to get Kathleen. Cool huh?

Would you watch one of our movies? Two bags of poop on you if you are a critic who doesn’t think they would be any good. These are bona-fide Oscar contenders.

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