According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Poop On Pitiful Parades

Monday, July 23, 2012

Poop On Pitiful Parades

I love good parades. I suspect Sam would too if he knew what they were. I can just see him now, strutting his stuff down Olympia’s Capitol Way, barking at the crowd, smiling and positively pooping with delight. I suppose I’d have to be his pooper scooper.

Kathleen and I didn’t see one pooper scooper at the Lakefair Grand Parade in Olympia last evening though. That might be because (or why) we didn’t see any horses. We didn’t see any marching bands either. We didn’t see clowns. We didn’t see cheerleaders or baton twirlers. In fact, we didn’t see much of anything during the 45 minutes we watched this so-called parade. Sure, there were motorcycles and police vehicles and lots and lots of Corvette convertibles with cute young ladies in them (organizers musta made quite a run on local dealerships). Then there were other cars - a lot of old ones with old geezers in them - and some not-so-old cars carrying city and parade officials all waving at us for votes and approval. After 45 minutes of watching vehicular traffic roll by, most of them spaced far enough apart we could have 1. Taken a nap, 2. Incited a riot, 3. Held a street dance, 4. Sat out by the I-5 freeway. BORING!

I read in the newspaper today that there were some floats that won awards - didn’t see those. Apparently, there was a drum corps - didn’t see that either. There were a couple of high school cheer squads and a high school drill team - didn’t see those. And evidently, according to the newspaper anyway, there was a rodeo drill team and a mounted posse and the Seattle Schools All-city Marching Band. Kathleen and I thought we might have heard those goofy cat-squeezers in kilties too, you know, the ones who often show up at funerals and scare the beejeesus out of the corpse. but we weren’t sure.

I have half a mind to write to the Lakefair people to volunteer to organize a real parade for next year. To my way of thinking (call me old fashioned), a parade ought to have a minimum of three or four bands - we have plenty around here: military, high school, middle school, community bands. I heard someone say once that it was really difficult to get school bands to play in summer parades because school’s out and the kids and their music teachers don’t want to be bothered. Horse hockey! Seems to me like kids would be thrilled to participate if their music teachers showed some enthusiasm.

And for gosh sakes, with all the horses around the community, fair organizers couldn’t scrape up a contingent of urban cowboys to make a decent showing? I don’t understand why so many community parades have become so BORING. Thousands of people lined the street last night to watch the Lakefair Grand Parade. But it wasn’t grand; not at all! Another couple years and nobody will show up to watch.

Maybe my fond memories of parades are like my childhood memories of other things - in retrospect as an adult; they weren’t nearly as grand as I remember them. Still, I can well imagine John Phillip Sousa and The Music Man turning over in their graves at what’s passing for a parade these days.

Three bags of poop on boring parades. Don’t call them parades if you can’t do any more than drive a few cars with pretty girls in them down the street. BORING!

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