According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Scan Graveyard Code for Info

Friday, July 20, 2012

Scan Graveyard Code for Info

If you feel like you have one foot on a banana peel and the other foot in your grave, Sam and I recommend that you consider having a barcode installed on your headstone. It’s the latest trend in cemetery accessorizing and you can have a barcode installed on new or existing headstones, mausoleum shutters, urns, garden benches and just about anywhere else that you and a cemetery director deem appropriate. A barcode can cost less than a hundred bucks.

Now, your loved ones can continue to connect with you even after you’re gone - uh, if you want them too. You realize, of course, that you may not be able to rest in peace anymore - forever.?!

The secret behind head stones and grave markers that resurrect memories of the dead is to incorporate mobile 2D barcode technology like Tag, into the headstone or grave marker. Gravestone barcodes installed before you kick the bucket, even allow you to be the author of your own online obituary, long before you check out. After you’re gone, through a pre-recorded message, you can share stories from beyond the grave with anyone who scans or photographs the “QR” code with a cell .phone. The scannee can see your favorite photographs; hear your favorite music and more. You can even leave information about your genealogy for people interested in that sort of thing.

In the future, instead of seeing the standard fare on a grave marker like, “Nellie Noodlehymer, born 1945 died 2012, wife and mother,” you’ll be able to see so much more.

“Oh look, there’s Nellie now with her six children and 13 grandchildren. There’s the prize quilt she knitted for the county fair. There are the pickles she put up last summer. But wait, what’s this? Nellie dancing on a table in a bar in Tijuana with a lampshade on her head? What’s that she’s got hanging from her lips? A big fatty? And who’s that greasy gringo offering her a tequila shot?”

You see the possibilities? Some judicious editing might be necessary.

Sam and I can also foresee other problems with bar codes on grave markers. What’s to keep people from puffing up their graveyard resumes like they do their work resumes?

For instance: “Here lies Fred Posure, born June 10, 1926, died June 21, 2011 .Fred is survived by his loving wife Griselda and their two children, Peter the Wolf Posure and Alice Her-Head’s-in-Wonderland Posure and their 12 dwarf grandchildren, most of whom are not yet in prison. Fred was successful in his second-hand book store business even after he lost his national franchise. He was a respected citizen activist, reporting litterers whenever he saw them. He was past sergeant of arms in the PTA and a school crossing guard. Our country’s president often called on him for advice on what not to do in schools. He might have qualified to compete in Olympics ping pong but he came down with carpal tunnel syndrome while flipping eggs at his second job at Denny’s. He would have won several road races on the I-5 freeway but always humbly gave way to the angrier driver. His sailing sloop, The Leaky Rust bucket, was well known in local salvage circles. Nicknamed The Drunken Deacon, Fred was a jolly presence at baptisms and weddings.”

I think the barcode I have installed on Sam’s grave marker will say, “Here lays my good and faithful companion who brought so much joy to my life. I’d include pictures of him and videos of him walking with me and chasing balls and that kind of thing. And I’d list his favorite treats. I wonder what he’ll say about me though if I go first?

Now that you know about grave marker bar codes don’t you want to run right out and get one?

Poop on you if you don’t..

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