According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Come On Guy! Get A Spine

Friday, November 4, 2011

Come On Guy! Get A Spine

Where have all the real men gone (sung to, Where Have All the Flowers Gone)?

Are Sam and I just imagining this or have most men – real American men at least - curled their tails between their legs and dropped out of site over a cliff - like those elephants in the 60’s jokes? Have women cuckolded us so much that we’re afraid to be men anymore? Apparently, all a woman has to do these days is to yell rape or sexual assault or sexual harassment and a guy might as well pull a Robinson Crusoe and go live on a deserted island. Even if you only sneaked a peek down a woman’s blouse where she was hanging out for the entire world to see, or you audaciously asked her out on a date, you could wind up forever after a marked man.

Sam and I think most people who saw the 1986 Crocodile Dundee movie laughed when Mick Dundee groped an old dowager’s crotch at a New York party to determine if she was really female. We probably laughed because, like Dundee, we thought she might actually be a transvestite and therefore the groping was justified. But now, New England Patriot’s wide receiver Julian Edelman has been charged with indecent assault and battery because he allegedly stuck his hand under a woman’s Halloween custom and groped her crotch. Hey! If he wasn’t checking her sex, maybe he was trying to help her adjust her protective cup. You see athletes adjust their cups on TV all the time.

Women are ruining America. They’ve whined and cajoled and held out (you know) until we cuckolded men have outlawed excessive drinking, gambling, whoring and anything else the women wanted us to. Their mothers were right when they said that we men were primarily interested in only one thing. Unfortunately, women are steadily pushing forward laws to keep us men from getting what we want.

My wife even wants me to quit cussing! But hell about the only cusswords I use are sh – t when I’m totally teed off or bullsh - it when I doubt the veracity of something. I seldom use the f-word (mostly just in my thoughts) but I hear women use it all the time.

This is a battle men and we’re losing. Most of you are shirking your duty to God and country by being such big weenies and letting women get away with this. They hold all our marbles these days. And yes, the allusion to you-know-what is on purpose.

Women demand the right to do everything we do, play football, box . . . Female boxing has even been approved for the Olympics (no small thanks to that weenie Eastwood's movie Million Dollar Baby) but now USA Today columnist Christine Brennan is bitching because women are being asked to box in skirts.
What’s the problem, don’t they want an audience? I mean, do you think sandlot volleyball became popular and made it to the Olympics because people were really interested in watching sandlot volleyball? NO! The skimpy bathing suits on the women participants had everything to do with the upsurge in viewership. Personally, I think the NFL should go back to letting us see more of the football cheerleaders prancing around in their skimpy costumes. The game could use a little titillation to relieve the boredom.

I like the following comment that fashion commentator Austin Silver contributed online to Ask Men: “As long as men aren’t willing to draw up picket signs that say Men aren’t swine!” and walk in circles in front of movie debuts and corporate buildings, mass media will continue to portray us as though we’re Neanderthals. To be clear, anyone can make fun of us (or deny us) because there’s no harm in doing so.”

Sam and I say three bags of poop on that!

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