According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: How to know if you are receiving the right signals for a bonk

Friday, June 17, 2011

How to know if you are receiving the right signals for a bonk

In his fiction novel *Comeback, Dick Francis’ hero Peter Darwin, has drinks with a woman in her apartment, and not detecting any ‘that’s enough maneuvers’” in her switching on table lamps and drawing curtains as the light outside fades,  decides she’s trying to tell him something.

“It’s a wise man I thought (Darwin says) who knows when he’s being seduced.”

So, Darwin, attempting to come up with “the least maudlin, the least lustful, the most humorous, the easiest to refuse verbal invitation,” to ask for sex, says to the woman, “How about a bonk, then.”  (page 184).

I love the English way of saying things, don’t you? How about a bonk, then? I’m going to try to find an occasion to use that with my wife. Poor Sam’s been neutered so he won’t have occasion to use it.

I wonder if Arnold Schwarzenegger asked his housekeeper if she wanted a bonk? The Austrians probably have a different word for it.  Wonder if the IMF guy asked his hotel housekeeper if she wanted a bonk? I’m thinking not. He’s French and the French think they invented l’amour and romantic words for sex. Wonder what word Weiner Twittered to go with his picture(s)?

 Apparently, the IMF guy didn’t receive the proper signals (if any) from his housekeeper.  Men too often think they’re receiving signals when they aren’t.  That’s why I advocate permission slips. If a woman signs a permission slip to have sex with you, then you should be on pretty safe ground.

Despite the fact that the majority of women’s magazines at Border Books where I currently am writing this post, tout sex in some form or fashion, men cannot take it for granted that women they want to bonk. The magazines here contain articles that run the gamut, like Elle's “Summer Heat, When Lust is Better than Love,” to Glamour’s “How Sex Really Feels , With a Movie Star or in a Threesome or When He’s A Virgin . . .” to She’s “Love But Not Lust, the Rise of Sexosrexia.” But even though the magazines make it sound like they are panting for sex, most women probably aren’t.

Personally, I enjoy the game of reading body language. I’ve found that a woman who keeps touching her breast area (necklace hanging there, whatever) while talking to you probably is sexually interested in you. Opening her legs while sitting across from you is a pretty good sign too. Another old reliable is if she keeps touching you without any prompting. Still, it is better to be safe. GET IT IN WRITING!

One more thing should be added to the permission slip. A clause that says the woman swears she is at least 18 years of age. Checking her driver’s license or some other type of ID would be very prudent.  Write her driver’s license number down. If the woman is young beware of a faked ID; her age on the ID might be fiction so she can buy booze.

Remember, ‘Tis better to be the hunter than the huntee.  Bonk!

* Comeback copyright 1991 by Dick Francis, G. P. Putnam's Sons, New York, ISBN #0-399-13670-3 

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