According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Starved and tortured to look good

Monday, May 2, 2011

Starved and tortured to look good

OMG! Christina Binkley has been starved and tortured!

Wait a minute, that’s Christina Binkley a writer, NOT Christie Brinkley the model; my mistake. Whew.
Apparently Binkley, the writer, checked in to a fat farm (aka spa) called Ranch at Live Oak in the Santa Monica Mountains above Malibu and was tortured so she could report back to us in reality-type journalism what luxury detox was like for the rich and famous in their never-ending quest to shape up.

Ms. Binkley, the writer, regales us in her Wall  Street Journal article with descriptions of the extreme stress of 5:30 a.m. wakeup calls to participate in six-hour, 12-mile Bataan-type death marches up hill and down vale, and with extreme angst about the side effects of low blood sugar, vomiting and diarrhea.  She bemoans the measly meals she was permitted to eat, like the 310- calorie roasted baby beet lunch with a baby turnip, sprigs of red-ribbon sorrel and micro arugula – emphasis on the micro – and the 430-calorie dinner of artichoke heart with fava bean puree, glazed cipollini onion, pea shoots and tendrils.

Blechh! Weren’t those cooks on that television show, World’s Most Pretentious Chefs?

Of course Ms. Binkley triumphed in the end, reporting that she lost a whopping six and a half pounds and felt fit and healthy again. That should give all us lazy Big Mac addicts the intestinal fortitude to just say no to cheese and secret sauce and biggie sizing to the larger fries.  NOT.

Ms. Binkley talked about giving up such luxuries as coffee and meat and wine. Not me man. I believe in non-violence, but someone’s going to have to fight me to the death and pry my Mona Lisa mug out of my cold dead hands before I’ll give up coffee. The mug has a picture of Mona on it with a coffee cup in her hand that says, “I (heart) coffee.” And she’s smiling that famous enigmatic smile. Love that cup.

Giving up meat’s not a big problem for me but might be for Sam.  Steak and pot roasts are pretty expensive. On the other hand I can buy a lot of hamburger, chicken and canned dog food at the supermarket for the $5,600 Ms. Binkley shelled out to that spa ($861.54 per pound). I could possibly give up wine and just drink more coffee. I have given up donuts for long stretches of time, but I always fall off the wagon. Donuts are like manna from heaven. 

Sam and I can understand wanting to lose a few pounds, but why pay somebody else beaucoup bucks to torture us? If Sam and I want to lose weight, I’ll just tack a swimsuit picture of Christie Brinkley, the model, on my garage wall, jump on the stationary bike and let Sam run alongside.  

A good way for you ladies to get thinner might be to consider how much food $5,600 would buy poor starving African children and send the money to them. No wonder so much of the world hates Americans. Two bags of poop on luxury fat farms. 

No comments:

Post a Comment