According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: What hell may really be like

Friday, April 29, 2011

What hell may really be like

You know that witty saying about hell having no fury like a woman scorned?  It’s true according to a certain television station that features shows about women who become teed off by their husbands or lovers and shoot them, stab them, poison them, drown them, whatever.  In fact Brandon Marshall, wide receiver of the Miami Dolphins, was stabbed by his wife just the other day (Associated Press)

But Sam and I don’t want to talk about furious women. We placed a somewhat sarcastic post on this blog April 27, about this preacher in Michigan who says there is no hell. He’s wrong of course, but we try not to argue religion or politics.

No, Sam and I thought it might be humorous to look into hell (pun intended) a little more. It’s a subject that deserves more review. Wow! You ought to see all the references to hell in Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations Fifteenth and 125th Anniversary Edition published by Little Brown and Company (Canada) Limited.  Are you familiar with these?

“Hell is full of good intention or desires.”Saint Frances de Sales, Letter, (136:11)
“In hell they’ll roast you like a herrin!”  Robert Burns, Scots Wha Hae (411:14)
“Hell is paved with priest’s skulls.” St. John Chrysostom, Letter to Olympia, (128:23)
The road to Hell is the gradual one . . .” C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, (842:9)
“Till hell freezes over.” Saying, (925:7)
“Hell hath not limits, nor is circumscribed in one self-place, for where we are is hell, and where hell is there must we ever be.”  Christopher Marlowe, The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus, (184:1)

Personally, I think hell is not being able to get a decent cup of coffee first thing in the morning. My dad and I used to say when we went deer hunting, “First one up in the morning makes the coffee.” I think he cheated one time when the ground around our sleeping bags was frozen solid and he insisted I was the one who woke up first - funny man. Still, it would have been a cold, cold day in hell without a hot jolt of Java Joe so I was glad to put the pot on. That coffee washed my Oreo cookie breakfast down just fine.

Hell for Sam is no chicken chew (jerky) or pepperoni snack in the morning while I’m drinking my coffee. It’s probably a little hellish for him to lay around waiting for me to finish our blog too so I can take him for a walk. I try to finish as fast as I can, but sometimes it’s hard to be witty, sarcastic and humorous (‘cause I’m such a nice guy).

Watching the Seattle Mariners flail around like first-grade Tee-ball players is definitely hell.  Our daily news is hellacious and incredibly depressing.  But I think the worst kind of hell is not hearing laughter or being able to laugh. Bet they don’t let you laugh down there. Sam and I say two bags of poop on that.
Hey, give us your thoughts on hell, won’t you? Come on don’t say, “Hell no!”

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