According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Not A Goldfinger Plot, Paper's Fort Knox Article Is Hooey

Friday, October 18, 2013

Not A Goldfinger Plot, Paper's Fort Knox Article Is Hooey

I feel a blog comin’ on. My fingers are tinglin’ my keyboard’s a jumpin. Bam! Boom! Zing! Here she comes . . .
Sam and I keep seeing these “news” reports that Fort Knox is being emptied out. Huh? The reports, one of them in some rag called The Wall Street Daily, say President Obama is taking all our nation’s money. What’s he doing with it, saving up for his girl’s weddings? Sam and I thought James Bond saved Fort Knox. Wasn’t that the plot of Goldfinger?

So, okay, say Fort Knox is being emptied out. That’s kind of scary. If we have no gold to back our currency, what then? We have to get some more, right? Or do we? I thought we went off the gold standard years ago and were now backing our currency with silver. Wasn’t that why Nelson Bunker Hunt and his brothers once tried to corner the silver market?

Anyway, let’s say President Obama was trying to cover his tracks and was attempting to put gold back into Fort Knox before anybody impeached him. Surely, he would be impeached for pilfering our gold because Clinton almost got impeached just for playing post office with Monica Lewinskt.

Anyway, here’s the scene: this government guy dressed all in black - you know, like Tommy Lee Jones or Will Smith in one of their movies. The government guy goes into a jewelry store where they buy gold and says he wants to buy some gold.

“How much you want,” asks the clerk?

“Seventy one quadrillion and change,” says the government agent.

“Oh jeez! I don’t know if we have that much on hand,” the clerk says. I’ll have to check in the back.”

When the clerk comes out of the back room he says, “Sorry, but I can only give you about half what you want.”

“Okay,” the government agent grumbles. “How much?”

The clerk mentions a figure.

“That’s highway robbery!” the government agent exclaims.

“Take it or leave it buddy.”

“Okay,” the government agent says. “Can I write you a check?”

“A check! You don’t have any money in the bank and you want to write me a check?”

“It’s backed by the United States of America!”

“Backed by what? You don’t have any gold.”

“When I buy it from you we will have, but I’ll have to post-date the check a couple of days.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay, I didn’t want to have to resort to this, but . . .”

“Hey! Why you pointing that gun at me?”

“I want your gold. And as soon as I get it this check will be good.”

Suddenly, alarms go off, lights start flashing.

“You, you set off alarms!” the government agent gasps.

“Freeze yahoo!” the cops responding to the stickup yell at him. Actually, they didn’t say yahoo, but this is a family blog so . . .

“This isn’t what it looks like,” the government agent protests.

“Tell it to the judge,” the cops reply. “Now throw down your weapon or die.”

The government agent throws down his gun and is hauled off to jail.

The moral of this story? Don’t bank on rumors - or something like that. Three bags of poop on silly rumors.

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