According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Low Sperm Count? Our Little Squigglers are Under Attack

Friday, July 19, 2013

Low Sperm Count? Our Little Squigglers are Under Attack

Sam and I can’t help wondering if lower sperm counts, as reported in the Wall Street Journal recently, are that big a deal. An article by Shirley Wang in the July 16 issue of that paper said that some “experts” in the fertility field were raising the alarm over what appeared to be falling sperm counts in men. Apparently, some “sexperts” have seen a steady decline now for a decade or more.

The “sexperts” blame declining sperm counts on cigarette smoking, shampoos from plastic bottles, exposure to pesticides, sedentary jobs, hot showers or baths, fatty foods and marijuana use, among other things. That raises a couple of questions, like if hot showers or baths are detrimental to sperm production, why are men always advised to take a cold shower - which should raise sperm production - when they get randy? And since marijuana use has been approved in Washington State, are all you weed-tokers here going to come up short of those little baby-making squigglers?

But who wants to make sperm and impregnate a woman anyway? Unless you’re married and your wife wants a baby, thank your lucky stars. If you’re smart guys, you’ll forget the condoms, forget the cold showers and eat more fatty foods and smoke more marijuana.

Personally, Sam and I think sperm counts are declining in direct proportion to the emasculation of men that has become rampant in so-called civilized societies like ours. Nearly every TV ad you see that features a man, especially a father, makes the guy look like a total doofus. And look at all the girly-men and male-ey girls out there now. They just got the right to marry each other, so women don’t need men and men don’t need women anymore.

Put two and two together and it all adds up to a lethal radiation level of psy-ops warfare that is causing guys to lose their confidence and gobble Cialis, Viagra and those other ED pills, like they were Flintstone vitamins, just to keep their doohickeys up, never mind making sperm. Plus - listen up now guys, we’re talking to you boys - why would any self-respecting woman want sperm from someone who doesn’t shave or comb his hair when he gets out of bed in the morning, totes a skateboard everywhere he goes -even though he’s approaching his 30’s - and wears his pants down around his knees? Go figure.

The WSJ article did point out that not all the “sexperts” agreed that there was a sperm crisis. One study was carried out in France, where contrary to popular opinion about the French being great lovers, we all know they’d rather drop arms and make apple strudel or something. The studies also were not conducted in developing Third-World countries. In addition, the low sperm problem seemed to be centered among men in the 18 to 25 age group. Shoot, those young whippersnappers don’t have the gonads to produce quality sperm anyway. Sam and I wonder if it would help if somebody in Silicone Valley invented a sperm-growing game for Nintendo or something. Practice will elevate your results you know.

So guys, try to keep your sperm count up. Don't let manhood down. We know it can be a sticky proposition to produce sperm, but if you can’t get no satisfaction, the internet might help. Hey! and two bags of poop on so-called sexperts.

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