According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Sam Likes Socks He Does. But What If One Went Missing?

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Sam Likes Socks He Does. But What If One Went Missing?

Sam likes socks. I don’t know what the deal is, but if he sees a sock lying on the floor or a chair or on the bed, he’ll nab it and run to the living room where he’ll flop down on his belly with the sock between his front paws, daring me to try and take it away or he’ll jump up on the couch with his new treasure and look at me as if to say, “Look what I have. Cool huh?”

I can’t figure out if Sam likes the sweaty smell of socks or what. According to the history of socks in Wikipedia, the foot reportedly is among the heaviest producers of sweat in the body, as it is able to produce more than 1 pint of perspiration per day. The texture of the sock doesn’t seem to matter to Sam. He likes Kathleen’s nylons as much as my cotton tennis socks. If he didn’t already sleep so well at night I’d throw a sock in his crate to keep him company.

I looked up some history on socks. Socks have evolved over the centuries, as you may well imagine. According to what I read, early socks were made from animal skins and matted animal hair for warmth. The Romans wrapped their feet with leather or woven fabrics. By 1000 AD, socks became a symbol of wealth among the nobility.

The invention of a knitting machine in 1589 allowed socks to be knitted six times faster than by hand. Nylon socks were introduced in 1938. Until then socks were commonly made from silk, cotton and wool.

Now, how ‘bout this little bit of history? According to the internet, there is a Bureau of Missing Socks in this country. It began as a company in the Union Army during the Civil War to stock and keep track of soldier’s socks.

The Agency’s first concern was not buying new socks for the army but maintaining and repairing the ones on the feet of the soldiers. A Major Smithson was the force behind an order that required each member of the North’s forces to turn in a used sock before receiving a new one. The General Order was cancelled a week later by the War Department possibly at the lobbying of New England mill owners who feared that their business with the army might be cut in half.

In addition to requiring that each soldier turn in a full pair of socks before receiving a new one, Major Smithson insisted soldiers document their missing socks. That was when he discovered that most troops only lost one sock at a time. He was, however, able to institute a doctrine of field repair, creating the first and only sock darning, knitting, and issuing company in the United States Army trained to operate directly behind the front lines. He found a supplier in England who provided him with darning needles then created a Field Sock Darning Kit. He advocated the integration of women into the armed services to darn the socks too, but that idea didn’t fly.

The Bureau of Missing Socks eventually was transferred to civilian control where it came under the grip of corrupt officials and businessmen known as the Whisky Ring. They increased the staff to more than a thousand and its budget a thousand fold. It became the sole purchasing agent for all the socks worn by the uniformed services. In 1875, its members were sent to jail. By then, the United States Government had purchased enough socks in three years to equip all the armies in World War 1 and 2.

After World War II most of the Bureau employees were dismissed or transferred. But due to an oversight the budget was not curtailed but increased. The Army’s vast supply of socks was finally put to use as part of the Marshall Plan. No European on this side of the Iron Curtain during the late Nineteen Forties and early Fifties had to worry about cold feet in the winter if they were size seven or less.

It is reported that during the Cold War Russian dictator Joseph Stalin did not believe that the bureau was a civilian agency but a cover for the manufacture of a new and powerful weapon that the Soviet Union could not duplicate. Stalin ordered the KGB to penetrate the Sock Bureau facilities at all costs.

The Central Intelligence Agency responded to the hysteria by getting its budget increased again along with its manpower. Radio, cable, mail and messenger traffic increased so much it exceed that of any other government agency. Suspected moles were encouraged to sign on and cryptologists on staff devised a new code name Argyle which no one could decipher.

The Bureau of Missing Socks is the only organization in the world devoted solely to unraveling the mystery of the single disappearing sock. It is an arm of the United States government no less important than the State Department and Department of Defense; its headquarters are located on a bluff high above the Potomac River in Washington, D. C. in a twenty four acre office park divided into four distinct areas: administrative, research, data and laboratory facilities.

Sock it to me with two bags of poop if I’m not telling the truth.This is fascinating reading!

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