According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Tiger Woods Needs to Share Credit with Lindsey Vonn

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Tiger Woods Needs to Share Credit with Lindsey Vonn

Sam and I congratulate Tiger Woods on winning back-to-back golf tournaments; you’ve regained your No. 1 world ranking for the first time since October 2008, Tiger and are back on top.

But Tiger, when you protest that we’re reading too much into your new relationship with Olympic ski champion Lindsey Vonn, like she’s having nothing to do with your resurgence, we say back up, take a mulligan and quit lying on your score card. After all, if golf is largely a mental game, Lindsey clearly has altered your state of mind and appears to be your new Zen master of the old pitch and putt.

Anyone with half a brain can look at the water hazard you nearly drowned in after screwing up (literally) with your wife, and put two and two together. Sam and I know you’d prefer to blame the triple boo-boos you’ve been scoring on a leg injury and poor health, but sorry bud, it just ain’t totally true. Cuz’ guess what? You’re human! Didn’t realize that did you? But you are.

See, most guys who did what you did would hit the sand traps and blast grit all over just like you did. Some guys never can hit out of that hole. It has a lot to do with guilt. You know you messed up and you let your adoring public down. Guys who emerge from a bad case of the guilts, however, often do so because of a new love interest - enter Lindsey - which gives them new resolve to be good guys again, and which helps them gain a sharper focus and renewed drive. Remember that catch phrase, “Just Believe?” It’s a lot easier to re-focus and believe when you’ve got a new cuddle caddy.

I read this article or book (I forget which) some years ago that talked about men being able to achieve way more in life once they get their sex drive under control (or after if diminishes, whichever comes first). If I remember correctly, the gist of the article was that the raging of young men’s hormones distracts them too much and diverts their attention away from winning the trophies they desire. Sam and I tend to think that’s true.

Sam and I suggest that it’s okay to admit that Lindsey is your new inspiration Tiger. It was a good thing for you to admit you had been attending therapy to get over a sexual addiction. So why not admit Lindsey is at least partially responsible for the new you - unless you’re just sexually addicted to her? She is pretty hot looking.

I seem to remember an episode of Two and A Half Men where Charlie Sheen attended a meeting of sexual addicts. Apparently, admitting that you’re a sexual addict is a good strategy for sublimating that old ornery libido. The strategy seems to work for awhile at least.

Sadly though Tiger, Sam and I have to tell you the odds are you’ll bogey into another tailspin sooner or later. Hopefully not, but have you ever seen the statistics on repeat offenders? Not good. In the meantime, we really think you should give Lindsey some credit.

Two bags of poop on re-offending. Until then may you stay on top. Score!

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