According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Numbers Don't Add Up for Me

Monday, February 11, 2013

Numbers Don't Add Up for Me

We’re experiencing a rather bucolic Sunday afternoon at our house today. Sam is lying quietly beside my desk chair gnawing away at a chicken jerky strip and Kathleen is in the other room quietly gnawing away at one of my wooden pencils while trying to solve a Sudoku puzzle.

I don’t get Sudoku. If I want to tease and twist my brain over numbers I’ll balance my checkbook. Thank God I CAN do that. But working with numbers otherwise - nada. Kathleen tried to explain Sudoku to me but I just didn’t get it. Truth is, I don’t want to get it. Numbers hold absolutely no fascination for me.

Wait. I take that back. Some numbers do fascinate me. For example, it fascinates me that a mattress store can advertise $500 off on a mattress. How much does the dangly-banged thing cost in the first place? And how can car insurers constantly advertise on TV that they can save me hundreds of dollars? No matter what car insurer I go with, the premiums creep up year after year until next thing I know I’m once again trying to pay off the national debt. I asked my car insurance agent why my rates went up so high one year when I hadn’t had any tickies or any oopsies and all he could say to me was, “Gosh, I don’t understand that.” I didn’t understand either so I switched agents.

I suppose those advertisements on TV could be for loss leaders. According to Wikipedia, “One use of a loss leader is to draw customers into a store where they are likely to buy other goods” - such as a higher priced mattress or a bundle of insurance which includes your other car, your home, business, life, etc. “The vendor expects that the typical customer will purchase other items at the same time as the loss leader and that the profit made on these items will be such that an overall profit is generated for the vendor.”

According to Wikipedia, “Chevrolet’s Corvette was originally intended in the 1950s to be an "image builder" and loss leader for General Motors, the idea being that men would go to showrooms to look at this "automotive Playboy Bunny"—which they knew they could not afford—and end up purchasing a lower-cost model.” Humph! I resemble that. Not really. I’ve never hankered for a Corvette except that cute little 1962 number. But just you offer me a loss leader Porsche . . .

I suspect the real reason I’m not good with numbers is that I’ve either been struck hard on the head or have fallen hard on my head so many times the part of my brain that computes numbers has contracted some kind of digit dumbing virus and numbers just don’t add up in there. I should probably do like the football players and try to blame somebody else for my brain bucket being so addled, but I wouldn’t know whom to blame. Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me, so I’m going to stick with words.

Three bags of poop on numbers - uh, unless you want to offer me six figures to syndicate this blog. I think I could understand that.

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