Kathleen and I saw a movie Monday night; Parental Guidance starring Billy Crystal and Bette Midler.
“Was it good?” Sam wanted to know.
“It was great - no cussing, no sex, no gratuitous violence.”
“Was there a dog in it?”
“No. Sorry. No dog.”
“How could it have been so great then?”
“A movie can be great without a dog being in it.”
“Humph! What about Ol’ Yeller, 101 Dalmations, Lady and the Tramp or Beethoven? Those were all great movies because they featured dogs. And what about that Disney movie starring Kurt whats-is-name as The Shaggy Dog?”
“Those were good weren’t they?”
“Betcher chew bones they were.”
“The thing Kathleen and I appreciated about the Billy Crystal movie is that it was about grandparents and kids trying to bond with each other and it made us laugh and made us cry. It was about a areal life situation, it wasn’t about Transformers or Cyborgs or aliens trying to conquer earth. It was almost as good as City Slickers.”
“Why doesn’t Hollywood make more of those wholesome-type movies? I mean, who needs Rambo and Terminator and Mel Gibson shooting up the world?”
“I don’t know Sam. You see the same thing on TV. Lots of crime shows or young people constantly agonizing over their unsatisfactory sex lives. It’s like Hollywood writers either haven’t lived very normal lives or they’re so tired of normal they think it isn’t valid anymore.”
“Real life situations not involving sex and violence can be interesting though, right?”
“Right. Gosh, look at Driving Miss Daisy, The Rain Man, The Color Purple, Fried Green Tomatoes - just to name a few.”
“What was the name of that one you told me about where some neighborhood boys befriended a new kid by including him in their baseball games?”
“That was Sandlot, a very good movie.
“You think it’s just too hard to make good movies these days?”
“I can’t imagine that it’s any harder than making a mayhem movie. Perhaps it requires too much thought. Maybe those kinds of movies don’t help release the inner aggressions of Hollywood writers. I don’t know. The problem is, violence really sells at the box office.”
“Yeah. And I saw in your paper this week that they’ve come out with another Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie. What is this, the fifth one or something like that?”
“Sad isn’t it?”
“Hey, remember that movie Cujo? That was a violent dog movie. That was a disservice to dogs everywhere, although some of those Brutuses we see in the park make Cujo look like a weenie dog, if you get my drift.”
“I get you. Don’t worry though, I’ll protect you.”
“With your life?”
“Uh, probably.”
“Probably!”
“I’d try okay? But you might have to defend yourself a little bit too, you know? You can’t just run behind my legs every time a big dog sticks his nose out at you.”
“I guess I wouldn’t mind seeing a movie called Terminator Shih Tzu or something, where a little dog like me goes around kicking big dog’s butts, especially if those big dogs poop in the park and nobody picks up after them.”
“That sounds a little violent Sam. The thing I really like about you is your loving and friendly nature.”
“You think I’m cool?”
“I think you’re very cool.”
“Poop on violence in movies then, right?”
“Right!”
“You want to watch Sponge Bob now?”
“No!”
“Was it good?” Sam wanted to know.
“It was great - no cussing, no sex, no gratuitous violence.”
“Was there a dog in it?”
“No. Sorry. No dog.”
“How could it have been so great then?”
“A movie can be great without a dog being in it.”
“Humph! What about Ol’ Yeller, 101 Dalmations, Lady and the Tramp or Beethoven? Those were all great movies because they featured dogs. And what about that Disney movie starring Kurt whats-is-name as The Shaggy Dog?”
“Those were good weren’t they?”
“Betcher chew bones they were.”
“The thing Kathleen and I appreciated about the Billy Crystal movie is that it was about grandparents and kids trying to bond with each other and it made us laugh and made us cry. It was about a areal life situation, it wasn’t about Transformers or Cyborgs or aliens trying to conquer earth. It was almost as good as City Slickers.”
“Why doesn’t Hollywood make more of those wholesome-type movies? I mean, who needs Rambo and Terminator and Mel Gibson shooting up the world?”
“I don’t know Sam. You see the same thing on TV. Lots of crime shows or young people constantly agonizing over their unsatisfactory sex lives. It’s like Hollywood writers either haven’t lived very normal lives or they’re so tired of normal they think it isn’t valid anymore.”
“Real life situations not involving sex and violence can be interesting though, right?”
“Right. Gosh, look at Driving Miss Daisy, The Rain Man, The Color Purple, Fried Green Tomatoes - just to name a few.”
“What was the name of that one you told me about where some neighborhood boys befriended a new kid by including him in their baseball games?”
“That was Sandlot, a very good movie.
“You think it’s just too hard to make good movies these days?”
“I can’t imagine that it’s any harder than making a mayhem movie. Perhaps it requires too much thought. Maybe those kinds of movies don’t help release the inner aggressions of Hollywood writers. I don’t know. The problem is, violence really sells at the box office.”
“Yeah. And I saw in your paper this week that they’ve come out with another Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie. What is this, the fifth one or something like that?”
“Sad isn’t it?”
“Hey, remember that movie Cujo? That was a violent dog movie. That was a disservice to dogs everywhere, although some of those Brutuses we see in the park make Cujo look like a weenie dog, if you get my drift.”
“I get you. Don’t worry though, I’ll protect you.”
“With your life?”
“Uh, probably.”
“Probably!”
“I’d try okay? But you might have to defend yourself a little bit too, you know? You can’t just run behind my legs every time a big dog sticks his nose out at you.”
“I guess I wouldn’t mind seeing a movie called Terminator Shih Tzu or something, where a little dog like me goes around kicking big dog’s butts, especially if those big dogs poop in the park and nobody picks up after them.”
“That sounds a little violent Sam. The thing I really like about you is your loving and friendly nature.”
“You think I’m cool?”
“I think you’re very cool.”
“Poop on violence in movies then, right?”
“Right!”
“You want to watch Sponge Bob now?”
“No!”
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