According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Crabs An Endangered Species?

Monday, January 28, 2013

Crabs An Endangered Species?

Did you know there might soon be a new species added to the Environmental Protection Agency’s endangered species list?

I suppose it could be considered pushing the envelope in a non-adult content blog for Sam and I to talk about this, but certain types of lice, also known as “crabs” might be in danger of disappearing. Apparently, according to an article in Bloomberg News by Jason Gale and Shannon Pettypiece so many people are waxing themselves or trimming hair down yonder in their, uh, personal hygiene areas, that there are fewer and fewer places for crabs to live, work and play anymore.

Question is, if the crabs are added to the endangered species list and trimming hair and waxing for bikinis is outlawed, who’s going to protest? That might be kind of interesting. This certainly wouldn’t be like loggers protesting listing the spotted owl on the endangered list or tree-huggers protesting the cutting of redwood trees. It wouldn’t even be like people protesting for a nuclear-free zone. No, protesting the demise and endangered listing of crabs probably would rile up a whole different set of people.

But it’s okay to kill head lice. All kinds of products are sold - many of them over the counter without a prescription - to kill head lice. Apparently, they aren’t endangered. H-m-m-m. Hopefully, the EPA will see the disappearance of crabs as a good thing, not as a bad thing. Trouble is, when you remember them listing the darter snail and other small organisms as endangered, you have to wonder what they might do in this case.

Sam and I think this needs to be handled with a lot of care and forethought. We urge the EPA to go slow on making any decision. Even though we may not be talking about a Supreme Court dictum as monumental and as far reaching as Roe V. Wade, caution will be necessary.

On the other hand, if crabs are totally eradicated, what are high school kids going to whisper and snicker about? On the other hand (that’s two right?) kids would no longer be shunned in high school for crabs because they wouldn’t have them. All you have to worry about after that is unwanted pregnancies and that’s hardly a big enough deal these days to snicker about. Planned Parenthood and free condoms are making a big dent in wiping those out too.

If crabs continue to disappear the way it looks like they’re going too, some smart aleck at the Center for Disease Control is going to feel obligated to collect a sample to freeze dry in a high-security, oxygen-free, ozone-protected chamber so if people quit waxing and shaving, the sample can be used to stage a comeback for crabs if necessary. The EPA probably would pay for their protection. What the heck are our tax dollars for anyway?

Three bags of poop on crabs. They’re really an icky subject to write about. Sam and I certainly won’t miss them. Will you?

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