According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Not Too Many Returns, Eh?

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Not Too Many Returns, Eh?

Did you get what you wanted for Christmas? Sam and I were wondering because today is Boxing Day.

Boxing Day here in the United States primarily is known as a shopping holiday, much like the day after Thanksgiving. For many merchants here and abroad, Boxing Day has become the day of the year with the greatest amount of Christmas merchandise returns and if you didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas, simply take the unwanted item back to the store from whence it came.

Surprise, surprise! Boxing Day also is a time when our nation’s retailers have big sales, often with dramatic price reductions, because they didn’t get enough of your boodle during the Christmas hysteria. Plus, they don’t want to inventory and pay taxes on all the crap they stocked for Christmas. They figure if they offer you good enough deals on their leftover stuff you’ll convert your return cash into cha-ching for them and they’ll come out winners in the end. It’s a pretty brilliant sting - uh strategy - really.

In the Olde Days in places like Merry Olde England, Boxing Day traditionally was the day following Christmas Day, when servants and tradesmen would receive a gift, known as a "Christmas box". from their superiors or employers. A lot of employers don’t believe in giving a Christmas box anymore though.

Boxing Day merchandise returns and sales get out of hand quite often. You have to wait in long lines to return something or buy something else. Typically, retailers only stock a few of the items on which are drastically marked down - it’s a big scam.

But can you imagine for a moment the following Boxing Day returns? The first thing Sam and I would like to see is a return on guns. Get those danged things out of circulation. Some cities have held gun return days with a fair measure of success. Also, how about all the NRA members asking for a refund of their membership dues? That would send somebody a message.

Could we also return John Boehner, Speaker of the House, to whatever hole he came out of and not have to look at his lying poker face on the television news anymore? We’d also like to return any congressman or woman, who don’t have cooperative spirits. Sam and I are glad we returned Obama to the presidency and it’s time to help him get some things done.

Could we return our country to peacetime normalcy and finally get the heck out of Afghanistan? Could we exchange all the lost limbs and lives for new ones? I suppose not. The price we’ve paid in Iraq and Afghanistan is too high, way too high.

I’ll bet you the banks and Wall Street and all those robber-baron guys would like to return to the days when they were free to plunder our wallets at will. Sorry guys. No more returns on that.

Betcha’ Microsoft would like to return to its days of prominence before Steve Jobs and his Apple crew poisoned the electronics market with so many danged gadgets that became opiate toys for the masses. Have you watched people with their iPods, Iphones and iPods? They look like zombies.

Kathleen bought me a box of chocolates, a Panera Bread gift card and a month’s worth of day care for Sam and Top Dog Day Care and Extended Stay. I won’t be returning any of those gifts - I like ‘em! But It’s no wonder we often say during the holidays, “Merry Christmas and many happy returns.”

A coupla’ bags of Sam’s Christmas blend poop on returns.

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