According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Ding Dong & Twinkies Oh My!

Friday, November 16, 2012

Ding Dong & Twinkies Oh My!

Is the sky falling?

Sam and I can’t help wondering if it is, because the media, both electronic and print have us in a tizzy worrying whether our country is going to plunge over a fiscal cliff or whether a certain General Betrayedus or whether Hostess Bakery is going to go Twinkies up. Aarrghhhh!

Sam and I pledge to buy more Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos and cupcakes if it will help Hostess. Allowing Hostess to flop on its cake batter would be worse than watching General Motors drive into a bankruptcy ditch or Biggee Bank close its doors for Not Sufficient Funds. Time for a bailout Mr. President! If we gave 47% of our population free snack cakes for a month we probably could get through this crisis.

I guess we should have seen this coming. It’s got to be the fault of all those danged Vegans. Health food nuts! What’s wrong with eating sponge cakes filled with calorie and sugar-laden gook and covered by rich chocolate (Sam’s starting to drool)? Eaten in moderation they won’t kill you. That so-called evidence that cholesterol builds up in our blood over time could be all bunk you know. Seems like every time a study comes out telling us something is bad for us another one comes out refuting that claim.

We suppose if the health faddies had their way we wouldn’t be allowed to quaff a Ding Dong within 25 feet of a public place. Sam and I can just see cup cake crumbs mingled in the sidewalk planters with cigarette butts. ICK! Next thing you know the faddies will want to outlaw coffee and donuts too. Of course you know, that would mean war. Like Charley Heston once said, “Over my cold, dead body.”

We must just need something to worry about in this country. Why else would we read the newspaper and tune in to television news? And now - aw crap! - there’s only 32 shopping days (not counting Sundays) left until Christmas.

Sing with us now, “All we want for Christmas is a Hostess cupcake.” Or how about this, “Up on the roof top with a few Ho Hos” Or there’s “Twinkie, Twinkie, little cake. How I wonder how many more Hostess will make.”

Sam and I think we might need some psychiatric counseling if Hostess goes under. That would be a tragedy of epic proportion so you would think somebody ought to be standing by in case of snack cake meltdown. This could be worse than a nuclear explosion or another Holocaust.

Sam and I hope Hostess won’t go under but it ain’t lookin’ good. We’re going to pray fervently that Twinkies and Ding Dongs and Ho Hos will always be with us - we used to think they would last forever even if the company didn’t. If Sam and I had our way our new favorite saying would be, “So many Hostess cakes, so little time to eat them.”

Three bags of poop on losing a tasteful food icon like Twinkies.

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