According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: XMAS Shopping Done Yet?

Friday, October 12, 2012

XMAS Shopping Done Yet?


The other night on television the news people informed us that there were only 76 days left until Christmas. So today there are only 73 days. Man, are Sam and I feeling the pressure.

It used to be that Halloween stuff in the stores didn’t really have to compete with Christmas stuff for shelf space, because the Christmas stuff didn’t appear until just after Thanksgiving. Remember Thanksgiving? But now, the Christmas stuff already is shoving Halloween stuff aside. And the TV news people were kind enough last night to give us tips for “successful” Christmas shopping. Tips! Already!

You know you’re aging too fast when you start lamenting the good old days, but I remember wonderful Halloween nights out roaming the streets in the freezing cold or pouring rain, trying to hit enough houses to fill a pillowcase with candy (never did), eating chocolate between houses, pilfering my sisters’ chocolate whenever I got the chance and comparing my haul with my friends at school the next day. Bad people putting bad stuff in the candy ruined Halloween and when the churches took over and started holding parties to keep kids off the streets it really stopped being fun.

Then, about a month later, here came Thanksgiving, otherwise known to us kids as The Feast of A Thousand Gluttonies. Boy, when I was a teenager I could really eat. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, fruit salad and yeast bread. One year I ate so much yeast bread I spent the entire night afterward on the porcelain commode. I had gas and constipation like you wouldn’t believe. I should have learned then that anything that looked so good and tasted so good couldn’t possibly be good for you - especially in large quantities.

Another month later, here came Christmas. Don’t you love the fact that for three solid months you have holidays? And now we also celebrate Veteran’s Day on Nov. 11 and New Year’s Day Jan. 1 - but getting back to Christmas. I love Christmas; the colors, the lights, the music, the food, families getting together.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are kind of sad for me now though. My family is almost all gone and we don’t have large happy gatherings anymore. When I first married Kathleen I was filled with joy that her family had big gatherings. But those are starting to dwindle too.

I always wanted to have a special New Year’s Eve when I was a kid. Kathleen and I have had several nice New Year’s Eves since we got married, but when I was a kid . . .

In high school, I was madly in love with a girl. And miracle of miracles, her parents invited me to spend New Year’s Eve weekend with them and another couple in San Francisco. Alas, New Year’s night the parents left us young people in our rooms and went out to party. It was made clear to me that I should not sneak out of my room to go to my girlfriend’s room (which she shared with her parents). And because I was basically a good kid I did not sneak out to be with my girlfriend. Instead, I pined away, wishing with all my heart I could be with her.

It was a long and lonely night. Two bags of poop on sad holiday memories. Sam and I hope you have many, many good ones. But you better get started on your Christmas shopping. We’re running out of time fast.

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