According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: I'll Flaunt My He-Hawk Stuff

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I'll Flaunt My He-Hawk Stuff

I’m thinking of becoming a Sea Guy - you know, a Sea Gal, only a guy. I think I can prance along the sidelines and cheer my football team on with the best of the ladies. Or I could become a He Hawk. Sam and Kathleen think I’m nuts, but what do they know?

I think I’d look pretty good dancing around in a skimpy outfit. I’ve seen people looking at me when I’m only wearing my shorts and T-shirt and walking Sam around the park. I’ve got pretty nice looking legs. I suppose I should work on my six-pack a little because wearing a mid-riff exposing shirt might reveal that I have more of a kegger than a six-pack. So, okay, I’ll work on that.

Too bad the TV cameras don’t show football cheerleaders as much as they used too. Some bozo complained about all the skin, I guess, but boy, some of the ladies have pretty nice skin and some football games are really boring.

I don’t mind being exposed on national TV. I have nothing to hide. In fact, I’d be flattered by all the attention. I mean, when you’re out there on the sidelines dancing and jiggling for all you’re worth, the least you want out of all that effort is a gig on Survival or Dancing with the Stars. And who knows, you might snag some hunky football player - not that I would want to do that, because I’m not into that sort of thing. But, if I weren’t already with Kathleen, I might be able to snag a cute toothsome cheerleader. I’ll bet you that my dancing on the sidelines would be a lot more entertaining that the current political battles anyway.

I’ve always considered myself a bit of a trendsetter. I’m betting that He Guys on the sidelines would soon catch on. Shoot, people pay to see those Chippendales; women even stuff money down their underwear.

Maybe I could incorporate Sam into my act somehow (I think he’s shaking his head no, no, no) - he’s way cuter than I am. When he was a puppy, I’d take him walking in the park and sure enough, some cute girl would strike up a conversation with me so she could pet Sam. He is a total chick magnet.

One time a neighbor guy asked to borrow Sam for a walk because I told him how the girls all wanted to pet us - I mean Sam. So, I told my neighbor sure thing, no problem. But, I said, “You might be disappointed when a girl who’s been bent down petting Sam stands up and gets a good look at you.”

I suppose that was a cruel thing to say, but some of us got it and some of us don’t. Anyway, you’ll have to excuse me now because I hear the doorbell ringing and I noticed a Seahawks-emblazoned van pull up outside. I’m off to be a Sea Guy or a He Hawk. Two bags of poop on you if you don’t watch me on TV.

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