According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: I Longeth for A New Soul

Friday, August 17, 2012

I Longeth for A New Soul

Sam noticed that I’m a little bit agitated today. Maybe that’s because I was shopping around for a new soul this week. Sam’s resting his head on my lap as if to say, “It’s going to be okay Jim.”

Well, of course everything is going to be okay. I was just looking at that new Kia Soul, the weird-looking little Korean car advertised on TV by dancing rats, and wishing I could buy one. I love new cars, but alas, certain American business people, as often is the case, are trying to pull a fast one. A couple of area car dealers north of me are advertising that they can sell me a new Soul for under $13,000, which would be a heck of a deal. But I checked here in Olympia and the cheapest Soul I could find locally was around $18,000. I suspect those dealers north of me are engaging in the much-loved American business practice of advertising a “loss leader” to get me to drive to their showrooms so they can tell me they don’t have the model Soul advertised in stock or it’s such a stripped-down model they just know I wouldn’t be happy in it, “but how about this $20,000 job over here?”

I really hate come-ons like that don’t you? There’s this one mattress company in this state that advertises a new sale about every week. The company urges us to rush in and buy before the sale ends, but if you’ve seen their commercials for several years like I have you now know they have some kind of sale going on at all times.

Speaking of sales, there were no less than 6 sales circulars in my newspaper this morning. I can’t even count all the ones that show up in my Sunday paper. Most of today’s circulars were devoted to back-to-school sales, but one circular, Cabela’s, the great outdoor store, is advertising camping gear, fishing gear, other kinds of gear and guns - its largest sale and event of the season. Five pages of the Cabela’s flyer featured guns for sale: handguns, rifles and shotguns, and ammunition. No wonder we have so many mass murders these days. Guns are just too easy to buy and there isn’t that much live four-legged game out there to satisfy all the shooters.

I wonder if I bought a gun if I could bag me a new Soul somewhere? But I wouldn’t want to commit a crime and wind up in jail. I sold all my guns years ago. Don’t need ‘em, don’t want ‘em.

No, I suppose I’d have to sell my beloved truck in order to buy a new Soul, but that would be like selling my other soul. I could get a good price for my truck, I know, but I still wouldn’t get enough to pay cash for a new Kia Soul and these days I really hate to have a car payment. A fixed income like I have doesn’t cover very many expenses before I go in the hole. Besides, caring for Sam costs almost as much every month as a car payment and I’m no way going to give that little guy up!

I guess I don’t need a new Soul. A bag of poop on that insatiable desire I have to own new cars. Vroom! Vroom!

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