According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Have No Fear. You Can Sue!

Friday, August 24, 2012

Have No Fear. You Can Sue!

Sam and I have discovered the solution to a problem. How ‘bout that? And we’re not even brilliant scientists or mathematicians.

The problem according to this morning’s newspaper: “Seniors Fear Loss of Independence More Than Death.” The article goes on to say that mental incapacitation is the main culprit in loss of independence. But Sam and I think money is the biggest problem. Given enough money, you can pay somebody else to think and remember things for you.

So, here’s the solution: sue somebody and win a slew of money. That seems to be the American way to cure problems these days. Find a scapegoat to blame for your problems, hire one of the gazillions of starving attorney’s in this country and voila!

Case in point: a New Jersey teenage baseball player reportedly will receive $14.5 million from settlement of his lawsuit against Louisville Slugger, Little league Baseball and retailer Sports Authority because he was left brain-damaged after being hit by a line drive off a metal bat. Never mind that the kid’s parents let him play baseball, never mind that he willingly played (probably even begged to play), never mind that the kid couldn’t duck fast enough or throw his baseball mitt up in front of his face, never mind that Louisville Slugger or Sports Authority had absolutely nothing to do with this boy’s accident. There may be more to this story than the little blurb in our paper, but this looks like a classic case of “let’s blame somebody else for our problem.” And some dumb jury apparently went along with that.

Here’s another case in point regarding our solution: the widow of a man killed by a wild goat in Olympic National Park is attempting to sue the government for negligence in its management of the goat. So far, a judge has dismissed most of the widow’s suit saying that the Federal Tort Claims Act protects the park and its people from being sued for not relocating or killing the goat, just because the goat gored the woman’s husband and severed one of his arteries, causing him to bleed to death. So, back up the Brinks Armored truck and do not load up a cool million or two on this one. Still, the woman, reportedly in her 60s, has not given up and if she hires a better attorney, may she’ll at least walk off with a small wheelbarrow or large handbag full of the green stuff.

Speaking of blaming others for our personal problems, Sam and I also just read an article that said men who become fathers late in life may pass certain mental disorders, such as autism and schizophrenia on to their offspring (makes me glad I fathered my kids early).

Seriously, can’t you just see lawsuits blaming dad for bad things that happen to you? What if all those mass killing suspects suddenly start suing their fathers for their mental state during the bang, bangs? Worse yet, what if their victims started suing the fathers? You suppose this mental illness thing could have anything to do with the fact that so many guys are now saying they’re gay?

Sam and I say two bags of poop on loss of independence, three bags of poop on blaming others for our problems and attempting to extort money out of them.

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