“Cast those demons out!”
“You mean the Republicans?”
“No Sam. I’m talking about the demons within - you know, the ones that make us do things we shouldn’t do, although casting the Republicans out of office this next election wouldn’t be a bad idea.”
“That’s what I thought you meant.”
“No, Father Pat talked about Jesus casting out demons this morning in church and it got me to thinking about personal demons I should try to get rid of.”
“You mean like eating too many sweets.”
“Yeah, of course you have that demon too.”
“The devil makes me do it.”
“Exactly.”
“Except you must be the devil because when you eat sweets you tempt me to want to eat sweets.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m just saying.”
“Well, another one of your demons is grabbing shoes every chance you get and running off somewhere with them. I’d sure like to exorcise that out of you.”
“Exercise? I’m getting plenty of exercise taking off with your shoes and playing keep away. You’re supposed to run after me to get your exercise. “
“That’s the deal huh??
“Yeah, but all you do is yell at me. How’s that helpful? Then you tempt me with a treat to bring your shoe back. WWJD?”
“What Would Jesus Do?”
“No. What Will Jim Do? That’s what I’m wondering as I’m running for my life to the back yard.”
“I’d like to exorcise your barking demon out of you too. You bark way more than you should. I didn’t think Shih Tzu’s barked so much.”
“Apparently, you were misinformed. Besides, if I didn’t bark how would I keep burglars away?”
“Good point. Maybe if you didn’t nag me about treats all the time I wouldn’t mind you’re barking so much.”
“That ain’t gonna’ happen. If I didn’t nag you, you’d never give me treats.”
“Sometimes I would.”
“Sure when you feel like it, but not when I want them. That doesn’t work for me.”
“Okay.”
“We should exorcise that ogling demon out of you.”
“Ogling demon?”
“Yeah, you know how you just about break your neck craning it around to get a good look at a babe when she walks by?”
“I do not!”
“Oh yeah you do. It’s embarrassing. If I did that you’d be all over me.”
“Well, you wouldn’t do it because you’re fixed.”
“Whad’ya mean fixed? Was I broken or something?”
“No . . .”
“Maybe we should get you fixed. Would that exorcise your demon?”
“Possibly. That used to be done to guys in some countries in ancient times.”
“Maybe they should bring the practice back. Say, why isn’t it considered casting out my demons or exorcising them or whatever, when I go outside to the bathroom and do my duty? It sure feels like I’m getting rid of some bad stuff when I do that.”
“I think this conversation might be getting a little out of hand now.”
“Going down the toilet you mean? You started it.”
Yes, and now I’m sorry. Say goodbye Sam.”
“Goodbye Sam. Two bags of poop on all you readers who don’t give your dog treats when he wants them. You want to mess up his head so you have to take him (or her) to a doggy psychiatrist? That’s the kind of casting out exorcising that costs big bucks. For shame.
“You mean the Republicans?”
“No Sam. I’m talking about the demons within - you know, the ones that make us do things we shouldn’t do, although casting the Republicans out of office this next election wouldn’t be a bad idea.”
“That’s what I thought you meant.”
“No, Father Pat talked about Jesus casting out demons this morning in church and it got me to thinking about personal demons I should try to get rid of.”
“You mean like eating too many sweets.”
“Yeah, of course you have that demon too.”
“The devil makes me do it.”
“Exactly.”
“Except you must be the devil because when you eat sweets you tempt me to want to eat sweets.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m just saying.”
“Well, another one of your demons is grabbing shoes every chance you get and running off somewhere with them. I’d sure like to exorcise that out of you.”
“Exercise? I’m getting plenty of exercise taking off with your shoes and playing keep away. You’re supposed to run after me to get your exercise. “
“That’s the deal huh??
“Yeah, but all you do is yell at me. How’s that helpful? Then you tempt me with a treat to bring your shoe back. WWJD?”
“What Would Jesus Do?”
“No. What Will Jim Do? That’s what I’m wondering as I’m running for my life to the back yard.”
“I’d like to exorcise your barking demon out of you too. You bark way more than you should. I didn’t think Shih Tzu’s barked so much.”
“Apparently, you were misinformed. Besides, if I didn’t bark how would I keep burglars away?”
“Good point. Maybe if you didn’t nag me about treats all the time I wouldn’t mind you’re barking so much.”
“That ain’t gonna’ happen. If I didn’t nag you, you’d never give me treats.”
“Sometimes I would.”
“Sure when you feel like it, but not when I want them. That doesn’t work for me.”
“Okay.”
“We should exorcise that ogling demon out of you.”
“Ogling demon?”
“Yeah, you know how you just about break your neck craning it around to get a good look at a babe when she walks by?”
“I do not!”
“Oh yeah you do. It’s embarrassing. If I did that you’d be all over me.”
“Well, you wouldn’t do it because you’re fixed.”
“Whad’ya mean fixed? Was I broken or something?”
“No . . .”
“Maybe we should get you fixed. Would that exorcise your demon?”
“Possibly. That used to be done to guys in some countries in ancient times.”
“Maybe they should bring the practice back. Say, why isn’t it considered casting out my demons or exorcising them or whatever, when I go outside to the bathroom and do my duty? It sure feels like I’m getting rid of some bad stuff when I do that.”
“I think this conversation might be getting a little out of hand now.”
“Going down the toilet you mean? You started it.”
Yes, and now I’m sorry. Say goodbye Sam.”
“Goodbye Sam. Two bags of poop on all you readers who don’t give your dog treats when he wants them. You want to mess up his head so you have to take him (or her) to a doggy psychiatrist? That’s the kind of casting out exorcising that costs big bucks. For shame.
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