According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: U Passed Go With Room?

Friday, June 15, 2012

U Passed Go With Room?

Sam and I are somewhat flummoxed (don’t you love that word) by the way we Americans talk these days. We’ve noticed recently that when people die, for instance, that the newspapers now say they have “passed.” 

Passed what Sam and I want to know. Passed the rest of us in their rush to the grave? Passed gas? Passed the rest stop when they should have pulled off the highway to pee? Passed on an opportunity to save money at the shopping mall? Passed Go? When I was taking college journalism classes - admittedly a long time ago - I was taught to write that people died when they kicked off and not to beat around the bush with “passed-on” or other euphemisms; especially not passed. Humph! 

Another word that flummoxes us is “with.” I hadn’t heard the expression, “would you like to go with?” until I married Kathleen. For awhile I thought “Would you like to go with,” was just one of her family’s quirky Dutch farmer ways of speaking. But more and more I’m hearing other people say, “go with.” 

It isn’t exactly a euphemism, but go with what, Sam and I would like to know? Go with grace? Go with a piece of apple pie? Go good with my new red shirt. Go with God? 

Another fun thing I like to hear my wife and her family say is, “down in the bottom.” They generally mean something is down in the lower far reaches of their land, generally land that once was or is now close to a river. But if you didn’t know better, you might ask, “bottom of what?” Bottom of the pan? Bottom of a pit? Bottom of the grave? Bottom of one’s coin purse? 

We sure can butcher language in this country. Why do we shortcut it so much? Could it be because we’re lazy? Naw. That’ couldn’t be it. But if you’re interested in picking up a few euphemisms for your own use just watch TV commercials for awhile; you’ll come away with something useful. 

One other euphemism that cracks me up is “room,” as in, “Do you need room?” when you order a cup of coffee, meaning of course, do you need room for cream? But I’m always tempted to say, “No, I don’t need a room, I’m not staying the night.” 

Sam and I kind of understand young kids saying things like “z’up?” We get that. And we’re okay with shortening words in text messages because, good grief, it is time consuming and intellectually challenging to write a text message with whole words. My fingers just don’t work fast enough or well enough to do that and there isn’t enough room on my iphone screen to type whole words. 

Still another euphemism (maybe ?) is “take out.” 

Take out what? Take out the garbage? Take out the bad guys? Take out that cute girl from your philosophy class? Take out the dog or the cat? Take out my appendix? 

“I see another possible euphemism right here in Panera Bread where I’m writing this post today. One of the breakfast sandwiches being offered is being called a “power” sandwich. What does that mean? Is it electrified? Do they only sell it to power company employees? 

Sam and I are going to go with two bags of poop on shortcutting sentences and the goofy euphemisms we like to use in this country. S’narly dude. See you later alligator.

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