Complain More, Live Longer

Sam and I have a complaint - two actually (aside from the fact that today is Friday the 13th). First, we heard on TV news that statin drugs, supposedly good for controlling cholesterol, thus helping you live longer, might possibly make you susceptible to diabetes. Then we saw a church sign today that said something about God allowing complainers to live longer.

So, do complainers live longer because only the good die young and can I quit taking my statin drugs because I already have diabetes and just complain more? Sounds like a plan to me. My mother was a huge complainer and she lived to the age of 84. I’ve always figured if I lived to the age of 80 anything after that was gravy anyway.

But what do I complain about? Sam’s been complaining lately because I’m not letting him have as many treats as I used to. He was becoming too demanding and didn’t want to eat his dog food, so I cut him off. Kathleen and I have cut treats out for ourselves too. OH WHINE! Since the first of the year we have eschewed between-meal snacks and after-dinner desserts. It’s killer! Don’ tell Kathleen I drive straight to Panera or Starbucks every Tuesday and Thursday after I drop Sam off at daycare, to have a cinnamon roll or coffee cake or bear claw. What am I a saint?

I’ve often complained that dieting doesn’t seem to make much sense at my age. Why deny myself foods that I love just to live a little longer? You call that “quality of life?” Can somebody guarantee me an extra year or two for giving up ice cream? How about cookies? Since cookies are so laden with sugar and calories, seems like I should gain a year for each one I give up. I really hate feeling guilty when I enjoy food like my pasta dinner at Olive Garden Friday night too.

I could complain about the gray, drizzly, freaking cold weather here in Western Washington. But one of you smart alecks out there would tell me to just go someplace warm. Not hell though, okay?

I could complain about the Seattle Mariners even though it isn’t baseball season. Trouble is, the Mariners don’t seem to be making any off-season trades or acquisitions that are going to help them when the season does begin. Since Nintendo owns the team, we seem to be getting a lot of so-so players from Japan. There are only so many Ichiros out there though, so it looks like 2012 is going to be another long year.

And how ‘bout those Seahawks, the Washington Huskies, the Washington State Cougars and other Washington state sports teams -all losers. The Cougars just hired a new football coach and will pay him a lot more money than they paid the previous coach so we’ll see if miracles can be bought. I’m not betting on it.

One last thing I have to complain about is gay marriage. Our state legislature is seriously considering making Washington the seventh state in the union to permit gay marriage. I’m all for gays having equal rights as far as health benefits, inheritance and whatever, but, men marrying men and women marrying women just isn't natural. I’m not arguing that it’s against God’s laws or anything like that I’m just saying it isn’t natural.

Well, I don’t really think I want to live to the age of 100, but if I keep complaining, maybe I can have another bear claw and still make it to 90. Ciao! Or chow!