According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Rules for Christmas Shopping

Monday, December 19, 2011

Rules for Christmas Shopping

Sam and I have put together a little Christmas for Dummies-type article for you.

In this post we’ll discuss Christmas Gift Search Optimization (CGSO.) or how to Avoid Scrooge Syndrome (you figure out the acronym). In this post, you’ll learn where to look for those just-right-gifts for everyone on your list: your spouse, your son or daughter, grandma, Uncle Joe, whoever. Sam and I will show you how ridiculously easy it is to pull holiday magic right out of your hat.

The Rule of Tens
Assuming you can count to 10, following this sage Christmas shopping advice will keep it simple stupid.

1. Make a list of 10 people to shop for – no more, no less and cut it down to 5.

2. List 10 places to shop for gifts – then throw the list away.

3. Drive to your nearest grocery store.

4. Buy 5 gift cards from the gift card rack in the store, spending no more than $50 per card.

(That’s a measly $250 spent on Christmas shopping in case you can’t multiply).

5. Buy 5 little holiday gift bags to put the cards in.

6. Buy yourself some holiday eggnog and whatever booze you prefer to pour in it.

7. Drive home.

8. Load 5 Christmas CDs onto your CD changer and press “shuffle.”

9. Pour yourself a delicious Yule time drink and hit the remote to start the gas fireplace.

10. Sit down, put your feet up and stuff your 5 little holiday gift bags with the gift cards.

Sam and I suggest that you do not shop for your Christmas gift cards on the internet, it takes too much searching and you’ll just get confused by all the offers out there.

No, just drive to the grocery store, preferably on a week day. To enhance your shopping experience, once you grab a shopping cart you can crash into anybody getting into your way, as long as you laugh like it was a mistake and bellow ”Merry Christmas!” Push your cart up to the coffee bar and buy yourself a venti eggnog latte or an iced drink if you prefer, then saunter leisurely up and down the grocery aisles (if you must). Personally, Sam and I would go directly to the card kiosk (or whatever they call it) then get the heck out of there. But if you want to pinch some of the produce or ogle the hottie babe leaning over the meat counter, saunter to your heart’s content. After all, Christmas shopping is supposed to be a pleasant task.

While in the store take joy that you are not one of those mothers wrestling with a whiny kid. Take joy that you are not the cashier being harassed by a silver-haired lady attempting to convince you that the coupon she’s waving in your face really is good for what it is she wants to buy.

On your way out the door, dump 10 of your loose coins into the Salvation Army pot – making sure none of them are worth more than a quarter - and give the jingle bell ringer a wink. You’ll feel like a million bucks for donating that dollar fifty worth of change to charity.

Sam and I wish you a very Merry Christmas!! No poop!

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