According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: We're all a bunch of golf balls

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

We're all a bunch of golf balls

Been to any good garage sales lately? Sam and I held one Friday and Saturday Labor Day weekend, with Kathleen’s help of course. We had a lot of “previously-owned” golf balls. All the people who came to our garage sale got us to thinking how we humans are a lot like golf balls – that is to say – a lot like each other, despite our many attempts to be different.

Golf balls come in lots of different colors, white, pink, yellow, orange, etc. kind of like people come in different colors. But just like people, golf balls are pretty much the same because they’re all round and they all have dimples. Some golf balls are constructed a slightly different inside than others, but there isn’t a lot of difference in how they’re put together. About the only thing that really sets golf balls apart from each other – despite manufacturer claims – are their names and any logos that might be stamped on them.

The names are many – Titelist, Top-Flight, Pinnacle, Slazenger, Nike, Dunlop, Maxfli, Ultra, Strata and so on. Logos can come from anywhere, the local country club, a maker of widgets, a charity tournament, a corporate sponsor, an advertiser.

When I first started playing golf it was not at all unusual for me to lose mass balls per round. Golf is expensive enough without losing a bunch of balls. Fortunately, my friend Gary is a lost-ball sniffer-outer extra-ordinaire. He has kept me well supplied with previously-owned balls he’s found. Once I began playing half way decently and lost no more than one or two balls a round the previously-owned balls backed up on me, thus I had a lot of them to sell.

People are a lot like golf clubs too. A bad driver can send your ball into the woods or swimming in the nearest pond. A bad friend can drive you toward a life of crime or addiction, cause you to buy the wrong stock or make the wrong marriage decision. Many golfers spend hundreds of dollars buying drivers that supposedly will straighten out their game. Unfortunately, it’s the person swinging the club, not the club swinging the person that causes balls to go astray.

My friend and something-of-a-mentor-slash-coach Paul K. always advised me to start hitting balls on the practice tee with an iron rather than a driver; to warm up to my drivers. But I’ve never been real capable of heeding good advice so I usually started slashing away with my drivers (sorry Paul). By the time I broke down and did a little practicing with my irons I was already at 6 or 7 on the peeved-as-heck scale. By the time I actually started my round of golf, I was shanking drivers and irons all over the place, losing balls and cussing mightily on most every hole.

I don’t know if Sam likes golf. He does like to chew on golf balls. I think he sharpens his wolf teeth on them for when we hand wrestle. My left hand and arm look like someone's been flailing away at them and taking divots.

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