According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: War is hell and cemeteries are a wasteful use of natural resources

Monday, May 30, 2011

War is hell and cemeteries are a wasteful use of natural resources

Sam and I would like to wish everyone a happy Memorial Day. But sadly, our national cemeteries are full of men and women who died in our country’s wars.

What’s the point of wars anyway? What’s the point of cemeteries? The dead are not coming back. Cemeteries are a wasteful use of our natural resources. Sam and I can understand a person wanting someplace to go and place flowers and commune with the freshly departed. But after awhile, most of us only pay homage on special occasions such as Memorial Day (although I did see an Easter Bunny balloon on a grave recently). We’re just not very good at letting go in this country (Elvis, James Dean, Kurt Cobain). We need to take death way less seriously.

Sam and I really like the following joke. Hope you haven’t seen it before.

Pecans in the Cemetery
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard,
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the
Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.

And here’s a great quote relating to war.

Oscar Levant a classical pianist, composer and bizarre wit was called to appear before the draft-board examiner during WWII.
"Do you think you can kill?" he was asked. "I don't know about strangers," he replied, dryly, "but friends, yes."

For more thoughts on hell and more thought on cemeteries see our posts of April 15, and 29, 2011.

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