Can you afford retirement?

Can you afford to retire? Investment companies and money managers are worried about that. They’d like to dig into your pockets to take care of your hard-earned dinero for you. I broach this burning 64-hundred-dollar issue because a couple of ads in the April 18 copy of my wife’s The New Yorker got me to thinking.

The real question is, will you receive the best advice you can get from your stock broker or investment advisor to turn your meager dinero into MUCHO dinero? Do you need to switch to TP Poorhouse so you can make your own investment decisions or Fiddlestickswhileyouburn Investments (follow the yellow brick road) or Big Bodacious Risk Management, Inc? Aren’t you worried about the future?

I tried to discuss this retirement issue with Sam but he was too busy chewing my Costco discount coupon booklet to pieces. He doesn’t express much concern over the state of my investments. His toys and vet bills and grocery bills probably will break me someday, but he’s not worried. Of course, it’s just possible that Sam might have the right attitude. As my daughter says when I dwell too much on my personal problems – lack of money being one of them - “get over yourself dad!”

I suppose it’s just possible that if we spend too much time worrying about whether we have enough money in our investment portfolios that we’ll become slaves to it; there’s probably a warning in the Bible about that.  Personally, I’m thinking WWJBD (What Would Jimmy Buffet Do?

I seem to recall when I was younger that me and a lot of other people of my generation didn’t think we’d live long enough to retire. I mean, Russia was going to obliterate us with the H-bomb anyway.  But you know, I traveled, bought stuff, went out to dinner, saw plays and movies. I always seemed to have enough money to do those things. And that was without credit cards -curious.

Too many people these days seem to think you can’t live on Social Security, yet many, many people are actually doing just that. They might not be able to afford much more than a roof over their heads and some rice and beans, but consider the poor starving African children, the Haitians . . . whomever your parents told you to think about when you wouldn’t eat your Brussels sprouts.

I figure I’ll at least have enough money to buy my daily latte and stay warm under a nice freeway overpass (if I can find one that isn’t already taken). Heck, if I gave up the latte and just opted for plain coffee, once in a while I could probably spring for a chocolate donut

 I might not be able to live aboard my yacht, winter in Palm Springs or travel the world performing philanthropic good deeds but I’ll be okay. Sam might have to scavenge a little bit, but he’s young and everyone thinks he’s so darned adorable they all want to give him treats anyway. If worst comes to worst, I hear doggie treats are nutritious and taste pretty good.