According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: If It's totally Changed Is It Utterly Different to the Max?

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

If It's totally Changed Is It Utterly Different to the Max?

Sam and I just saw the new Kia Soul car commercial with those cute little hamsters. We thought they were cute rats. Shows you what we know. But maybe the rats were totally transformed into hamsters because the new advertising commercial is touting the fact that this year’s Soul is “totally” transformed.

The new Kia looks exactly the same to Sam and me. We can’t see any difference from the previous model. So what does Kia mean when the company says “totally?” The reason we bring this up is because we recently saw a couple of other car commercials - one for the Chevy Corvette - that said the new models were “totally” changed and we didn’t notice any differences in those vehicles either.

I’m sort of a literal person. When you tell me something is totally changed, I look for something I don’t recognize as a former model. Like, maybe a new Kia Soul would suddenly resemble one of those wingback Chrysler products of the ‘60s or something. Like the Soul would - as one dictionary says - be completely, entirely, wholly, thoroughly, fully, utterly, absolutely, perfectly, unreservedly, unconditionally, quite, altogether, downright; in every way, in every respect, one hundred percent, every inch, to the hilt, flat out to the max, changed. BUT IT STILL LOOKS THE SAME!

In the Kia commercial the rats (sorry, hamsters) go on a workout program to slim down and pretty much “totally” transform themselves from chunky little fluffballs to sleek and slender chick magnets and apparently, that’s supposed to convince us that the Kia Soul is “totally” transformed too. It doesn’t work for Sam and me because to us it appears the king is still wearing the same old clothes.

Is it just my imagination or are advertising writers required to take creative writing courses where they are given high grades for how many adjectives they can use or bundle into one all-encompassing words like “totally?” And service manual writers must take the same courses, because “service” these days seems to be an adjective for ”multi-point inspection,” which means simply looking under the hood, then hoisting your car in the air and looking at the undercarriage to make sure nothing is obviously about to fall off and pronouncing okay.

“And here’s your bill for $800.”

“But, did you change my anti-freeze or brake fluid or transmission fluids?” you ask.

“No,” comes the reply, “those things cost extra.”

“How much extra?” you inquire.

“Oh, about $150 per fluid, if we don’t run into any problems.”

“How in the H double toothpicks can you charge me so much money for an inspection where you don’t do anything but look under the hood and the undercarriage.”

“Well,” the dealership manager says (very earnestly of course), “It’s all in our manual how much to charge for this work. According to the manual, it takes X-amount or hours and that’s chargeable at $100 an hour.”

“Did you actually take X-amount of hours to inspect my vehicle you ask?” at which point you just get a dumb, straight-ahead glare like a traffic cop gives you when he’s writing you a ticket.

Two bags of poop on cars that don’t really “totally” change. In the good old days we looked forward to the new models every year because they often were radically changed. Once upon a time I could tell you almost every make and model of car on the road just by looking at it. Not anymore, because the word “totally” has undergone such a complete transformation.

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