According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: A Big Flush Is All We Need

Friday, June 22, 2012

A Big Flush Is All We Need

A church sign Sam and I drove past this morning said, “The richest man is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.”

Y’okay. I guess I must be rich. All I need is a good cup of coffee to start my morning (a donut with would be nice), a little lovin’ from Sam and Kathleen and a little inspiration for my writing. What else is there? Wait, a good bed to lay my head down at night is one of my needs too. And a little walking around pocket money is good. Other than that . . .

I like new clothes, especially new shirts. New cars are awesome too. I like the way they smell. Sam likes new toys and lots of doggie treats. But we both can live without those things. Our health is relatively good - Sam has way too much energy sometimes; other than that, we don’ need stinking nada.

I am thinking about asking the good lord for a new toilet plunger, however. The one I want would be big enough to shove the world’s troubles down the old commode so we could have a nice clean start on life. We’re so clogged up with wars and famines and wildfires, crooked politicians and bad guys shooting people and molesting little kids. A new unclogged world would be great, don’t you think?

Once all the bad stuff had been flushed away, we could call the septic vacuum truck to suck it up with its hose, and have it trucked away to a big treatment plant somewhere and chlorine it to death.

“The chlorine gun. The chlorine gun!”

“No, no. Not the chlorine gun.”

“It’s either that or a thousand housewives with scrubbing bubbles.”

“Oh! We’re doomed.”

“That’s the idea. There’s going to be a new world order now.”

Whoa. Do you think that sounds too much like what the Republicans are promising? Maybe we need to plunge them too.

Hey. Maybe we should plunge some TV commercials while we’re at it. I don’t care so much about their content; it’s just that there are so many of them. When you can count 10 commercials between a show’s episodes, that’s about 7 too many.

We probably should plunge some of those televangelists too. Boy do they give religion, especially Christianity, a bad name. A few imams probably should be plunged too.

Last, but certainly not least, if I had my way, I’d plunge Washington State’s loser athletic teams: Mariners, Seahawks, Huskies, Cougars, Sounders, Storm, et al. They stink!

We should all get out our plungers this week and whoosha, hoosha everything and everybody giving us the big constipation. Of course one has to wonder where the detritus would end up. Japan’s already taken too big a hit. Three bags of poop on bad things and people that plug us up. We’re richer without them. We don’t need them.

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