Women Don't Pant for It

A half-page advertisement in The Olympian this weekend asked, “Why is Tom’s wife smiling?” The answer was that Tom discovered a new herbal remedy to help him perform better in the bedroom. You see similar ads for miracle erectile cures in magazines and on television. The wives are always so happy that their guy finally gets it straight – so to speak.

Sam and I say bull boogy. Men, think about it. Do you really and truly suffer from a physical performance disability? Like the Seattle Seahawks, does your “Furious Rally” fizzle? Is your erectile dysfunctional? Do you leave your wife panting like a female deer in heat ‘cause you just ain’t got what it takes anymore?

Guess what? Your lazy third leg most likely isn’t the problem. What needs fixing here is your love life, not your sex life. If your love life is bad, which starts with a “B” and rhymes with ED, you surely got trouble. But your problem can’t be helped by herbs, rhinoceros horn powder or wonder pills. If the romance has died and your pistol acts like an anemic little BB gun rather than a boom-boom howitzer lack of romance probably is the culprit.

And why is there no more romance in your life you ask? Well, like the songs say: “You’ve lost that lovin’ feelin;” and “That’s all there is.” “Que sera, sera.” www.oldielyrics.com

When was the last time you felt like you were out on a date with your mate, when you were giddy with excitement and anticipation as to what the night might have in store for you? When was the last time you went in for a night cap and came out the next morning wearing a grin and your baseball cap?

If you’re having a problem with performance, it’s most likely because 1.) you and your wife are T-I-R-E-D, and 2). the two of you are B-O-R-E-D (probably both).

The stresses of holding down job s, meeting your financial responsibilities, caring for your kids and your pets, and running here and there to piano lessons, soccer practice, and what-not, have robbed you of your energy. Fun and games in the bedroom aren’t nearly as enticing as a snooze on the couch in front of the television. Once you’ve fallen asleep on the couch no pill or herb on earth that can rouse you enough to perform in the bedroom like some kind of Sexual Terminator.

Then too, you have become so used to your spouse she is just not new any longer. If she looks back at you the same way (chances are she does) your romance has wilted and you may soon be jilted. Why do you think car manufacturers, electronics retailers and apparel makers constantly bring out new stuff for you to buy and play with? Once you can predict what your wife will wear to bed (flannel jammies), that she will always resist your amorous advances when the kids are within 20 miles of earshot, and that she’ll cut you off for a week because you’ve said or done something stupid, you become frustrated and bored. Rather than “the flag is up” and you’re off to the races, your stallion retreats to the barn.

Pills and herbs are not the answer for you my male friends. If your erection lasts more than 4 minutes, let alone 4 hours (you should be so lucky) your wife still may tell you she’s T-I-R-E-D and to leave her the heck alone.

And at the end of the day (or night) you’ll still be B-O-R-E-D.