According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Blast that danged broccoli!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Blast that danged broccoli!

Sam and I just read with interest an article in today’s Olympian that a 12-year old kid has created an app to blow up broccoli. Outstanding! But is this childhood play the kind of thing that leads to blowups like the rioting in London?

Kathleen would feed me broccoli every night of the week if I let her and I have often been tempted to do something drastic to get rid of the darned stuff. I can’t secretly feed it to Sam underneath the dinner table, because Sam is too smart to eat broccoli. He just turns his nose up at it – and there isn’t much he won’t eat.

Still, sometimes my resentment at being forced to have a healthy colon boils up inside me and I want to torch my dinner plate, turnover the table and generally engage in riotous mayhem, which most likely would get me arrested for domestic violence. Fortunately, my good-angel conscience overrides my bad-angel conscience most of the time in situations such as that.

Another story in the newspaper gives an account of a man arrested for creating a disturbance behind one of our local donut shops. Apparently, he wasn’t attempting to blow up any donuts – I should hope not – but he was doing something that landed him in jail. The article wasn’t clear on what he was doing.

Still another story in the paper says the LOTT Clean Water Alliance board (Olympia/Lacey area) is set to approve another increase in our monthly sewer and water bill. Geez! That makes me mad enough to blow a gasket. One of these days we’ll have to forego buying groceries because our water and sewer bills are so high. Of course, if we aren’t consuming groceries you’d think our sewer bill would go down. You follow? I’m sure I saw something in the news recently about a city’s sewer manhole covers blowing up. Was that New York? What was that all about?

Getting back to broccoli, I also see where a woman in Toledo, Ohio, died after falling into a recycling bin. Apparently, she fell in face first and got stuck and died of suffocation. Tragic. I can’t help wondering though if the poor woman was attempting to retrieve the broccoli her husband threw away so she could make him eat it and save his colon. He must have buried the vegetable at the bottom of the barrel and she had to dig too deep for it. I can’t see how the act of throwing broccoli in the recycling bin could land the husband in jail, but when one spouse dies the other one is always the most immediate suspect. Can’t you just see a prosecuting attorney trying to convince a jury that the dastardly husband murdered his wife by tossing his broccoli? I thought we were trying to go green in this country. The husband should have bought that 12-year old kid’s app and blown the crap out of his broccoli. Case closed.

Two bags of poop on broccoli. Wait, if we don’t eat broccoli, maybe we won’t have to . . . oh never mind!

No comments:

Post a Comment