According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: What Jennifer Aniston really wants

Monday, May 9, 2011

What Jennifer Aniston really wants

Aw shucks. Jennifer Aniston’s in love again and it isn’t with me. Yeah, yeah, I know I’m married. But if I weren’t, I wish that little cheerleader dumpling would give me a tumble. She could do worse. In fact, she’s about to do worse, if you believe the magazine Weekly In Touch (May 9 edition).

I mean, her new guy’s name is Bradley, he looks like Brad. Geez, his kisses are probably even the Pitts.  Doesn’t she realize when it comes to falling for somebody we make the same mistakes over and over and over again? I wonder if she’s tried an online dating service? According to Parade magazine (May 1) $927 million was spent last year on dating services, offline and online.  Holy bridesmaids Kate!

The secret to snagging a woman like Aniston on line according to a Wall Street Journal article by Ogi Ogas (April 30-May 1), is to indulge your sexual curiosity about her LESS –  good luck with that – and to appeal more to her desire to find Mr. Right rather than Mr. Rigid. Ogas says he and a colleague analyzed a billion (don’t think so) web searches instigated by women and came to the conclusion that they tend to sniff out and reject the online ads from lonely guys seeking only sexual gratification and no-commitment flings. The guy who appeals to a woman’s psychological needs as much as to her physical needs is going to be a winner. The femaile's sniffing out process involves – are you ready for this – female intuition. Oh Duh!

Guys, you would probably not do well with online dating if you posted a personal ad that said something like: “I’m a real man honey ‘cause I gotta’  a  - - you know. It stands up and salutes whenever a fine lookin’ woman walks by. It whistles, it hoots, it dances the hootchy kootchy, flips cart wheels, sings the Star Spangled Banner and more. If you like to laugh like it says in your ad, I’m your guy.”

No, Sam and I don’t think that approach will work. As far as we can tell, the approach that works best is to create some steamy romantic pulp fiction in which you come across as the bad-boy with a heart of gold, who just needs a good chaste woman to love you and smooth out your rough (spelled uncouth) edges. It helps if you ride a motorcycle, resent authority, do things your own way no matter what the consequences, have a fairly sculpted body, an insouciant look like Johnny Depp or those TV vampire guys and mumble a lot. Puke.

Oh yes, it really helps if you look like you have a lot of money or good prospects to make muey moolah and If you possess an aura of power, like President of the U.S. or CEO of a corporation or if you wear a uniform – even a janitor’s uniform.

No comments:

Post a Comment