According to Sam and Jim Commenting on things that irk us off, make us laugh out loud or just seem too weird too believe According to Sam and Jim: Men aren't pigs, we're just men

Friday, May 20, 2011

Men aren't pigs, we're just men

I wonder if Arnold Schwarzenegger and DominiqueStrauss-Kahn from the IMF consider themselves to be idiots. 

Dilbert, the comic strip character, recently contemplated becoming an idiot so he could enjoy the health benefits of happiness – as in ignorance is bliss. Apparently Arnie and Dommie (Dummie?) were pursuing certain, er, health benefits when they stuck their little dickie wickies where they shouldn’t have. But their happiness was short lived. Schwarzenegger’s wife left him and took the kids and Dummie (Dommie) was locked up in Rikers Island Prison. He may wind up doing a lot more time there.

 Dilbert admitted that being an idiot comes with some social stigma, but he reasoned that wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t aware that he was an idiot. You see this law of brain-fart physics working big time in the cases of Schwarzenegger and Strauss-Kahn. Arnold says he was a being an idiot when he pokey-pooed his housekeeper, but he’s apologized for bad behavior before so it’s hard to determine if he really thinks of himself as an idiot. Dommie’s been down the bad-boy road before too, so apparently he’s not aware that he’s an idiot either.

Okay. Sam and I hear all you women out there asking, “Why are men such pigs?”

I know you won’t be satisfied with the real answer, which is, because we are, because it’s our nature, because of hormones, because God made us that way. Yada, Yada, Yada.

Let’s just examine that God-made-us-that-way theory. I’ve often argued, like Dilbert, that one could possibly be happier if one didn’t know he or she (he in this case) had a brain. I like to throw that on the table for discussion when people are saying what a wonderful thing it is that God gave us free will. Look where that’s gotten us. Would we miss it if we didn’t know we had it?

Like I tried to explain to my daughter one time, men are like herd animals, rutting in the woods, butting heads with each other, seeking out conquests and not wanting to take responsibility for our actions. We are happy to be left alone and allowed to do what we want.  Ladies, we are far less likely to stray when you show us respect, admire us and give us lots of good sex (like you mean it). Men act like idiots because we’re continually seeking the health benefits of that happiness we once felt with you. Care to weigh in on this Dr. Phil?

On the other hand, the IMF dummy quite possibly is just a pig.

But hey, it’s sunny and warm today in Olympia for the first time in many, many months.  Sam’s at doggy daycare. And I’m sitting outside a Starbucks drinking a latte and writing a new blog post. Life doesn’t get much better than this. And I don’t have to be an idiot to enjoy this happiness. I feel the  health benefits already.

Ta, ta.


  1. I think I've heard this all before...

  2. The only question is, how many times? Have you learned from your experience. And THANK YOU for commenting. I was beginning to think nobody ever would.