Get thee behind me oh surgeon

OMG! Did you see the news about the woman in Las Vegas who may have died from a shot in the butt? According to a story by Cristina Silva of The Associated Press, the victim received an injection of some gel-like substance intended to “enhance” her posterior region then collapsed. Apparently she also received facial Botox injections earlier in the week, so the police aren’t totally sure yet what killed her. Nonetheless, the two Columbian dudes who shot the poor woman in the back room of a tile business were arrested for murder.  

Since this all happened in Las Vegas, one is tempted to surmise that the unfortunate lady made a really bad bet.

“Si, we can tile your bathroom floor and while we’re at it how about a butt lift? Ten to one says it works.”

Sam and I can’t help wondering if it was mortar that killed the poor woman; most likely though it was the Botox. Maybe the Botox reacted badly with the mortar. You have to be careful about mixing certain substances you know. Maybe those two criminally inept dudes were attempting to perform cardiac catheterization, a heart procedure through the groin. How they mistook that woman’s behind for her groin is beyond us, but maybe they didn’t read English well enough to properly understand the chapter on cardiac procedures in Surgery for Dummies. Do you see a possible defense strategy here?

Sam and I wonder if the victim was offered any option other than anal surgery before lifting her backside to receive death.  Drug companies keep telling us in their TV ads that we should “talk to our doctors,” presumably to ascertain if the docs think they should open us up or give us more drugs (possibly even to determine if they know what the heck they’re doing).  According to a study sponsored by the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute many people with coronary-artery disease get booted up into surgery without being given much chance to consider other options. 

A story in the April 5, 2011, edition of The Wall Street Journal reported that more than 1.6 million Americans underwent cosmetic “procedures” in 2010 to the tune of $6.6 billion (and we still complain about paying taxes). Botox injections are still very popular, and thigh lifts – whatever those are - are on the increase.

“Oh doctor, can we talk about lifting my thighs.”

Can’t do it ma’am, I don’t have a wench.”

Apparently the two Columbian dudes didn’t understand how to JUST SAY NO. But what can you expect knowing where they came from? Obviously, as in the case of abortions, cut-rate “plastic” surgery clinics should be avoided.

 Sam and I think we would prefer acupuncture over gel injections or surgery. Maybe we’ll purchase a bed of nails, one of those new plastic spikey kinds.  They’re supposed to be good for relieving headaches and stress. Excuse us while we talk to doctor Achmed.