The April 29 wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton is spawning a veritable cornucopia of shoddy souvenirs pax commemorative. The quick-buck artists, the thieving denizens of low-class sleaze, have once again found a way to turn someone else’s good fortune into their own grubby little pots of gold.
Sam and I read with interest an article titled “Kitsch Me, Kate, Attack of the wedding swag,” written by Feifei Sun (is that a real name?) that we found in the Style section of the April 18 issue of Time magazine. The article details the flea market circus swirling around the soon-to-be-held nuptials of Mr. and Mrs. Princely Persons, and the incredible number of tacky items being offered for sale to help us forever keep the big day in our hearts.
The schlock vendors are offering everything from your standard commemorative china and teddy bears to royal wedding sick bags (in case watching unending re-runs of the nuptials finally makes you ralph your breakfast), to Crown Jewel condoms that encourage you to “Lie back and think of England.”
If I thought of England and conjured up a picture of the Queen in one of her ridiculous hats while attempting to achieve a connubial tsunami, I’m quite sure my eros arousal controller would fall asleep and the tower would experience catastrophic failure – if you get my drift.
I can’t help wishing we lived in a more perfect world where the greed-mongers and the low-lifers didn’t cash in on other people’s bad or good fortunes. But I know that’s not reality. Pandering to the public hunger to live vicariously through royal weddings, public hangings or whatever is reality television, nothing more, nothing less. Gosh our lives must be boring! No wonder Donald Trump for President seems to some people to be a good idea!
Sam and I will not be purchasing any royal wedding souvenirs. We salute Prince William and Kate with a fine cup of English Breakfast tea and we don’t even like tea. It would be nice to think William and Kate could live quiet unharried lives, but that wouldn’t be reality either. Hopefully William’s memories of the tragic loss of his mum will guide the newlyweds through the minefields of the public’s insatiable hunger to exploit them.
Sam and I sadly predict, however, that Prince William and Kate’s honeymoon with the public will last a year, maybe two then the gossips and the schlockmeister columnists of less-than-reputable newspapers will start circulating rumors that they’re experiencing marital difficulties. It would be nice if we all would heed those certain words of the wedding vows that the priest will intone resolutely and with much hope: “Let no man put asunder that which God has wrought.”
Otherwise, may the Queen be “wroth and send forth her armies to destroy those murderers “ – of reputations (Matthew 22.7). Actually, the scripture says “King” rather than Queen, but the old gal in England hasn’t yet turned the throne over to Charles, which she should have done years ago. But that’s another story.
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